I am still here, my way back has been blocked, I fear for my love. I don't know where she is. Did she run and hide or is she with a beast that will torment her. What is holding me from returning to that place. I need to go back there.

posted by Landor Aiel

My love is dead. She has died in my arms. I knew that this was going to happen, I knew that I would be the one that claimed her in the end. That little slut that I have always talked about is dead. Now she is here with me in this hell. Her undeserving love for me is unbelievable. She knows me more then I thought. Is it because I was taking controll of her and leaving parts of myself behind? If that is so then how many people out there know about me. Hers is the first human touch that I have felt in along time. I am glad that she forsoke being judge to stay in this place with me. Together we can stop the world itself from crashing down. The beasts are trying to claim her as their own, I have battled a thousand times just to keep her safe and here with me. I know what the demons would do if they get there claws upon her. I need her here with me for my sanity and at the same time I need somebody to love and who loves me for what I am. How could I go on without her. I remember the first night that she was here. We sat in the only place where I can find comfort in this pit. we talked for ages, but it seemed like she knew shit about me that nobody else did. After 3 days of talking in that same spot things changed. She reached out and grabbed my hand, the first time in ages since I felt the touch of somebody else's skin, I knew at that moment that everything was coming together. We made love in the fires of hell, we floated up above the stars and just waited for life to end.




But as my parting words, I leave you with


How can you know when you find true happiness? What is the feeling?


posted by Landor Aiel

It has been awhile since I have been here. My job has been hard. I am now back on this mortal coil but only for a short time. I have been visiting too many people that I know for my liking. Old friends who have been where I am now and talked to me in the dark of the night.

These flames that are always licking my back and legs no longer burn me, it is just another fate that I have to endure. I fucking hate this place with all my being. I want to live again in your world. But could i be accepted because of what I am and what I know? I don't think so. You humans are narrow minded infidels, whose only care in the world is your own well being. What would happen if I imparted some of the knowledge that I now have onto the world, what would happen there. Chaos and Anarchywould reign supreme.



But as my parting words, I leave you with


How can humans be so narrow minded but still claim that they are not?


posted by Landor Aiel

I am alone in this torment, there is nobody who I can talk to at all. I drive everybody away

posted by Landor Aiel

I sit here in the darkness, the only solace I find is the dank smell of decay. For once in my life I have feelings swirling around in my head again, I can't take it any more I would prefer death to this shit, but I cannot die now, I have come to understand that. I will be trapped here for all eternity that is for sure, once I took this job I didn't understand that it would be for good, I can not be judged at the end of time, I will sit here until you all die. I have become an addict, an addict for the hunt, I search this world for the fun things in life, well in your lifes. I hate you all for the pain that you radiate. But fuck that I am better then these fucking annoying feelings that I have, I used to not care about anything. I do care now I want it to stop, I would punch things if my hand didn't go right through them.



But as my parting words, I leave you with


Fuck it I can no longer hide my feelings I want them buried, but I can do that anymore.

posted by Landor Aiel

I can’t take this bullshit, I hate everything around me, why do I still care. What the fuck happened to me, I used to be a heartless bastard but now I can’t shut out these fucking feelings. Only after my death do these feelings show them self, but when I was still alive I cared about nothing and nobody but my self and those closest to me. But now after living here for so long do I realize the errors of my ways. If I was still alive right now I know that I would be drowning my sorrows in a pool of alcohol, that is how it always worked, but you know what, fuck that.


Fuck it, you only live once why waste it rather then living it, that is the motto that all should live by.



But as my parting words, I leave you with


I hate and have been hated by all of those still left alive, this is not out of jealousy but out of just pure hatred. You all live in shit times, but yet none of you see that there is all this pain around you, the only ones that do are the alcoholics that is why they are the way they are.


posted by Landor Aiel

I can no longer care about anything, doing this job has given me a turn for the worst, I had hoped to keep some of my humanity buried deep inside me, but I am punished. I can still feel it, I fucked up once by saying no, and I have learnt. I still feel the claws pinning me to the ground, while the thing I serve heats up five long metal spikes, and shoves them into the ground, while these things are still white hot, I am lifted up over them, one through each shoulder, one in each knee and the other through my chest, I still feel them burn me, I wanted to scream but I did not want to give any satisfaction to any of those fucking monsters, I was stuck up there for two hours, but it felt like I had been up there my entire life, the metal spikes did not cool down, they grew hotter when I tried to move, for two fucking hours I was being watched by everything around, just a little show of what will happen if you fuck up.


But as my parting words, I leave you with

Do not waste time crying in life, the dead do not care for it, if they could they would tell you to go shove your fucking tears right up your fucking arse, why you ask ? That I don't know, but waste no more time in your life on tears, life it do not mourn in it, fuck that.

posted by Landor Aiel

I have talked to many demons in my time here, they all call me "L' phlithus uss" which means "The hated one". I am hated here because I am or once was human, I walk these halls in fear, fear that my time might come to an end upon one of these demons spiked claws. But I am under the protection of the thing that once held my job, he is the mosted fear thing in this pit, though he once was like me.

But enough of that, I am here to tell you all about how there is no god but there is a heaven, how you ask. Easy, as humans we have a wider imagination then the animals that surround me, that is why I have come to believe that when you are judged the people who get through it all, are basiclly put to sleep, and the ones who are cast aside, are given to the feindish bastards that live here.



But as my parting words, I leave you with

Fuck it, you get one chance at life, and if you fuck it up I will be waiting for you. I need a fucking cigarette.




FUCK

posted by Landor Aiel

I sit here in this body, I have taken control and have been in control for days, and I do not sleep, the only thing keeping me going is coffee and cigarettes, I had forgotten the joys of that fist cigarette in the morning. I have no idea where I am at the moment, noobdy has tried to call this body, not that they would get through I have had the internet on at all times, but now I am leaving this body soon, so I decided that I should post while I had the chance.

I have dealt with an old friend of mine, I was the one who took him from his body, he has been the first one I have said more then two words to, I still go over it in my mind. He was taken by a car crash, that was many days ago now, that is why I have been on the mortal coil as much as I can be, ignoring my job, I knew that it was going to happen but I didn't want to deal with it, but as the time goes by I come to grips with his demise.



But as my parting words, I leave you with

Why do we make choices in our lives that do not do any thing for us except fuck our lives up even more.

posted by Landor Aiel

This world is a desolte waste land, I find no peace here, I search for a new life but to no avial. I can no longer keep my mind in one place, I am becoming lost, I am in one place then lost in another.

posted by Landor Aiel

When I was still alive, I was accused of being a brooder, I look back on my life and I agree with those statements now. Why do we feel the need to be by ourselves at some times and at other times need to be surrounded by the people that we know ? It is in our human instincts, same as everything else that we end up doing. I drove people away because of my brooding, I didn't let anyone in on the fact that I could not handle my life. Now I wish that I had let somebody in on my true feelings at some time, if somebody out there knew what I felt then I could have been saved some time to enjoy my self, but now all I can say is fuck it, who cares, we all end up alone in the end any way, so live the way you want to live, don't follow other people around, live your life the way you want to, not the way you are told, only after I die do I realize this, but fuck it.

I want to inform you all of the fact that everything in your pitiful lives in a fucking lie. Everything your parents tell you is to benifit them in some way or another, education is fucked, I knew a man when I was alive, he didn't go to school, and he now owns and runs a succesful business, earns more then 100,000 dollars a fucking year, so much for the people working under him, who did go to collage and waste money on a shit education.


But as my parting words, I leave you with


Suicide now that is interesting, but not as fun as you might think, I have dealt with many suicide cases now, and I can tell you that they don't get any where, they are left in limbo for all eternity, so don't go the easy way out, I know that life seems shit at times, but you will make it through and will come out a better person then before.

posted by Landor Aiel

I sit here and ponder reality, is it reality or is it something different altogether? I do not know the answer to that question, nor can I find the answer, I have searched for days on end but to no avail. I had my first claim today, I was sitting there wondering when I would have something to do and then I was in a huge house, I watched as people ran around screaming, but it was all in slow motion, as I walked towards the end of the house, I got the feeling that I knew this place, but it was different from what I knew, I got to the end room, there was a crowd of people around the bed and one standing on the bed, as I got closer to the crowd a small child turned and looked right at me as if he knew that I was there in the room, I walked straight through everybody to the bed, I grasped the hand of the man standing on the bed, and we walked slowly back to the spot where I had come in, we did not speak.



But as my parting words, I leave you with


The joys of being dead do not compare with the joys that I felt when still alive, yes I now know more then I ever did, but I still would like to be alive. I watch you all run around and fuck your lives up even more then usual.


posted by Landor Aiel

I no longer care about the people I once knew while alive, I know that one day I will see them again, because I have become death, I will see them at their most weakest points in life, I will show up when I am told to and claim them for the judgment they will face, I do not know the outcome of this, nether can I be told once it happens, all I know is when my time as death is finished I will be judged by those who knew me in life, and by those who know me now in death. My life was ended abruptly and I know that I might get a second chance at life, when I have finished my work, but I do not know when my work will be finished, I could be back soon, I could never get back, I could be back after the human race has been crushed into dust only to be reborn again, but only to be crushed again. I can not see that far ahead in the future, all I can see is the patterns of the living right now. I do not know how I will take doing this job.



But as my parting words, I leave you with


I tried to live my life to the fullest but this is where it got me to, I can no longer touch or feel what is going on in my body. I miss everything about being alive. Cherish the moments you have left, because you do not know when I will be coming to claim you for the end.


posted by Landor Aiel

I suffer here in this hell, I am losing myself to the wind, I must stop and try and gain back my mind before it leaves, I have trouble remembering things that I have done, well did, while I was still alive in your world. I wish that I were still alive at the moment, but at the same time I am glad that I am dead, for I would not know half of the things that I know now, and I know that I would fuck my life up even more then it was. I can no longer take this waiting and the pain I feel come from the world. The pain of when people think of me, they feel sorrow when they think of things I once did with them, but I don’t feel a thing when I watch them doing all the same things that I once did.

I still look in on my little whore, I want to take control of her, and organize her life for her because I know that she will not.



But as my parting words, I leave you with



Are we born with emotions and learn how to use them as we grow, or are they something that we learn through the things we experience in our lives.


posted by Landor Aiel

I sit and I stare into the void of space, I no longer get tired I can sit here for days on end, even years and still I wouldn’t sleep, I have lost the power of sleep, as I am now part of the, well for lack of a better word, undead. Is this how I will spend the next thousand years, will I just sit here and be forgotten by all who knew me. Does any of this really matter anymore? Do we just go through this life walking around like we are in a daze, and when we die does the veil get lifted so that we can see what is going on around us. I can no longer stand the sound of my voice as it is my only companion left and I am the only talking. I feel that insanity is settling in upon me, I no longer talk to myself I now argue with the voices in my head, they don’t agree with me.



But as my parting words, I leave you with


How do we judge what is sane or insane? Anybody could be insane, but most likely the people who we think are insane are the sanest people there can be, they have opened their eyes to the world and gain sanity, everybody else on the other hand, they have not opened there eyes and do not have a clue about what is going on in this world.


posted by Landor Aiel

Back to this thing called reality, I can no longer stand it. I watch as the days go by, they pass like a blink of an eye for me, or that is how it seems to me, I have no recollection of how many days, months or years have passed since I died, and no longer can I care about that. I see everything happening at once, I see what is going to happen as well, I see when all my old friends are going to die, I know how they will die, but I can not interfere with the course that life has laid out for them. I have looked in on my own course and it seems that I was not meant to die at 18 I was to live until old and gray, when everybody else I had known from my younger days had died, I was to be the last of my friends to die. I would have had to witness death after death, and know all the pain I felt wouldn’t be the same for my old friends.

I have looked back in on my little whore, that is what her name from me is, she is still fucked, I want to clean her life up, I want her to live for a long time, I can not bring myself to look at her path, I do not want to know how it ends for her.



But as my parting words, I leave you with


The path we walk upon is set for us the day we are born, there are no choices in life, no forks in the road. Why do then we believe that we can alter our life in some way? You are not in control of your own life.


posted by Landor Aiel

This world bores me, if I weren't dead already I would want to die. I watch every little thing that goes on in this world and it just bores me, if I were alive I would just cry because of that boredom, and if I was six again. That was, when I was still alive, I sealed my emotoins up and became heartless, it was when my father walked out on my mother and me and broke my mother's heart. I have found him again and now his life is absolutely shitful, no job, no hope in his life, just scrapping by day after day, and I do not pity him, I laugh, I have laughed until I could no longer laugh anymore, isn't life funny, one day you have everything then the next it is just gone. I want to be alive still, I want to walk through the halls of my house, to be alive, to converse with somebody I still know, if I ever come back my life will be changed. I am starting to understand why my life was so fucked, it was all my fault, everything I did in my life was to gain something over somebody else. Why did I do that all the time. I now live in this hell because of that, if I did something to benifit somebody else, he wouldn't have come for me. But I can't change what has happened and I do not regret anything I have done, I am now coming to the understanding that I have only one choice in my life, to become Death and at least that way I will be able to go on seeing all the people I have known, but only when their time comes, how glorious would that be, for me to show up, age 18, to all the people who knew me while they are on their death beds, would they reconize me.



But as my parting words, I leave you with


Do we go through our lives not knowing anything and just grasping on to ideas of what we are doing, or do we store them completely in us so that they may be used again later in life.

posted by Landor Aiel

I sit here above you and I wonder, who down there knows that I am still here, that I am waiting for them to leave, that I cannot enter the gates of heaven, if there are any, I have searched but to no avial, they do not exist. But there is a hell, I have been there, I have conversed with the devil, why then does one exist but not the other. I do not know the answer to that question. I have looked back on my little slut, she is starting to clean herself up a litlle, she is still the closet I have been to living again. My mind is becoming a burden I want to leave it behind, but if I do will I lose everything that I am or was, I do not know. I want to be alive in your world because of what I know now, I would live my life to become a better person then I was.


But as my parting words, I leave you with


How do we get judge at the end of our lives, do we get judge upon our goodness, or on how we lived our lives, if we lived it to the fullest that we could ?

posted by Landor Aiel

I have come to realize that I may never find a way back on to the mortal coil, the way that I am so despertally searching for, I no longer believe that it is real, maybe I was lied to, but why get my hopes up for nothing, what sick creature would revel in that pain, if I had known from the start that I couldn't get back, I would have lived out my remaining time, which by all accounts is forever, doing stuff that could have sent me to a better place, instead of become this fucked up in my mind. I am having trouble grasping to understand that life is complicated enough without still being alive. I have been so many people in the last week, that I am starting to lose sight of who I really am in this world, if I keep taking people over will I lose my memory of who I was to the sands of time or will it be stored in a box to be kept next to somebodies bed. I believe that the thing that took me wants me to do something for him, I think he wants me to take over his job and become death himself. I find it ironic, I spent most of my life looking for death everywhere and when I am really happy in my life he comes and finds me.


But as my parting words, I leave you with


Why do we fuck ourselves up day in and day out, do we feel the need to do so, is that part of being human, do we really care about what we do with our lives or are we just floating like a log on the river of life.

posted by Landor Aiel

I have looked back in on my subject, she is still doing everything that she shouldn't be doing, I have taken control of her petite body for a second time just to come and write this, I am in her mind, but is she in my ? As I sit here typing this does she know what I will type even before I do, I don't think so, I will stay here until she cleans up. In days gone by when I was still alive, did I love and was I loved ? I do not know the answer to this question, I believe that I was loved by my parents and all of my family, was I missed by my friends when I left them, did they even notice. I know my girlfriend would have broken down, just like I would have if it was she that went, is that what love is ?
Knowing that somebodies life is complete fucked up with out you being there, if that is what love is, I would rather still be alive then what I am right now, unable to die and yet unable to live in your world. If I could come back I would change my entire life for the better, I would not be such a fucking arsehole to the people who knew me and who loved me. I want to see if my brother grows up into the man I always thought he was going to be, see if his life turns out better then mine. I know that if I can't find a way back into the world I will be stuck here until the end of time.


But as my parting words, I leave you with



Is anything certain in life apart from death, that is one thing that we can all be certain about, is there really anything else, in my experiance I believe that there is nothing but death in the end. What can we hope to achive in the short amount of time given to us, not fucking much, because we realize that it can be taken from us at any second with or without our consent. But when I come for you on your death bed don't curse and swear at me, welcome me with open arms, embrace me treat me like a son, like the son you are saying goodbye to.

posted by Landor Aiel

I have been lost, drifting out in the stars, I have travelled futher then any one in all of history. I am trying to understand what your lives are all about, I try to grasp just the simpliest of your feelings. I try to understand why I was taken by HIM, if he wanted a companion why did he let me leave and travel this universe. I have millions of thoughts cascading through my head at every second, I am now grasping on to all of these, I am understanding things that happened to me while I was alive, you people still living are unlucky in life, at every moment there is something different pulling you this way and that, make a wrong turn and you cannot go back to the start and retry, make your life real, do what you want not as what I did, doing things to please others, my parents, my entire family. But now that I have left them behind they realize not to do that to my younger brother, he was two when I left, I still cannot go near that house with out a sharp sword stabbing me in the head, I long to walk those halls again, to fell what my parents are like these days, to see how they raise Seth my brother, just thinking of that name gives me the chills, was it he who found my crumpled body or was it my parents, or the maid?



But as my parting words, I leave you with


How do we know if we are making the right choices in life, I can watch every one but, I cannot tell you what to do in your life. You just have to trust yourself and believe that what you do is right.

posted by Landor Aiel

I hate this place, I want to leave, will any one miss me when I am gone ? Will I miss any one when I go ?

posted by Landor Aiel

I sat and stared for days on end, not moving a muscle because I was afraid to move, I travled to Mercury and back with a blink of an eye. Here I sat staring at the sun, wondering what I was here for, why I was put on this earth, and why I was taken from it so suddenly, I can still remember when I left. I was strolling down the hall in my mansion, when out of no where a figure appeared, he looked at me with those hollow eyes, I still remember the chills running down my spine, he held out his hand wanting me to grasp it, when I refused he became angry and grabbed my arm, taking me with him in to the abyss. I knew at this moment that my life was coming to an end. He threw me in to a room with two chairs, here we sat for days and days talking about the meaning of life, and the importance of living. Had I known all this shit all through my life, I wouldn't be here conversing with this thing, when I asked if I could leave he fucked my mind up, putting me through hell again and again. I begged for him to stop but none of my pleading was getting through to him, all he wanted was someone to talk to him who thought like him, it appears that I am that person. I owe him every thing that I am today, as I thought of this one tear rolled down my cheek and it burned, I didn't think the dead could cry but I have proved that.


But as my parting words, I leave you with



Why does death call on us, is he real, or is he just a figment of our imagination something we dream up when we die, I Have gone through this, I believe that he is real, but how can I be sure that what I believe is the truth.
I think illusion is truth, just as enlightenment is reality. If illusion were unreal, the world could not exist.

posted by Landor Aiel

As I sit here in the dark, all I can do is think, hell better be much better then this place where I am stuck. I have lived here for years, but once I died I hoped that I could leave here and go to my destanation. But as I wait for this to happen I will write in this diary. I am standing behind you at this very moment, watching you read my latest post, I want to reach out and touch you but I feel is air. I want to tell you how I felt while I wrote this, but no words come out of my mouth, you can most likely see me in the courner of your eye, but once you turn your head to look at me, I am gone, vanished with out a trace of me even being there with you. This might be my last post for awhile, I am sick of this place, I will go out into the universe where I live and find a place to live for awhile.

But as my parting words, I leave you with



Is death a naturel thing, do we die, so that somebody else can take our place. When we die do we take a number and stand in line and wait our turn again, or do we cease to exist in all but a memory, does every new born have a new body and new mind with no memories, or is it an old mind, with memories that can reach as far back as the begining of time.

posted by Landor Aiel

As I sit here drowned in alchol I ponder, what is life really about, I see every body going out and trying to have fun, but what the fuck do they call that shit that gets forced into our ears night after night when we go out. Shit that is the best word to describe it. I met so many people when out and about. The person I met out tonight, her name was Tanya, and man can she drink, I think by far she is the most coolest person I have met that I didn't have sexual feelings towards. I am in Bendigo for this night because it is a saturday night, I do wish I went some where else. I was inhabiting the body of a 18 year old guy, he had a girlie friend, she is cool, passed out at the moment, I want to draw every bodies attention to SHITFUL music, we all must boycot that and have some real music playing, none of this brittney shit. Who is with me on this boycot. Do I hear a second, if you agree with me, please sign our guest book, telling me what you think I will check it from now and then, but do sign if you like our site. I have no longer a handle on my mind, it is circling out of control, why do you ask ? Well simply I am insane, I have been classed as criminal master mind, this was two years ago, when I was still living in your world. I say YOUR world because when I died it was no longer my world, my world has become huge, and I don't know if I can handle it.


I have looked in on my subject I am still trying to change her life for the better, but to no avail. She is taking so many drugs, she could kill a rhino with some of these drugs. I had they pleasure to come in on her while she was with a chick, lets just leave that story alone, unless you beg for it.

But as my parting words, I leave you with


Do we dream in colour movies, or colour pictures, or do we dream at all ???

posted by Landor Aiel

I still am looking for a way back, for at this moment, I am in the body of a young slut, her mind is so fucked up but her heart is completely pure, her soul is clean. I can not stand her, she is not like any thing I have encountered ever before. I look into the mirror and I can't believe her eyes, they reflect back at me as if she knows that I am there with her, touching her mind, stimulating her senses, she can no longer trust her self. Does she think that I am real or that I am just a figment of her imagination. I might stay around here for awhile, she is the closest that I have come to be alive again. Will she read this when I let her have this body back ? Will I let her have this body back ? All she does is fuck with alot of guys and is ruining this body. I don't want her heart and soul to be messed up like her mind and body. When she is older will she think of me ? What sort of person I could have been, what I looked like, why I was there, how I got there, and how I changed her life. This girl is by far the most interesting person that I have met. I will look back in on her when I have the chance.

But as my parting words, I leave you with

What is real, is this world real, are we real, are you real ? Do we only exist in the mind of a higher being or more then that. When we sleep are they awake, when we wake are they asleep ?



posted by Landor Aiel

This is the first post in this diary, how should it start, now that is a good question ? To sound orginal

Dear Diary,
I have left the mortal coil, and am now branching out in to the universe. I have become a god, and a devil all at once, the feelings I have running through my being are going to send me crazy, I want to kill every thing, but at the same time I want to make life. This power should not have passed on to some one of my breeding. I am to evil for that power. I am every where and I am nowhere, I am everyone and I am no-one at the same time. This sensation, the fact that I could be standing behind you as you read this, or I am typing this through you at this very moment is over whelming. But I find no piece here. Death is a certainty for everybody, but not me for I will live until all human kind is dead, then I will cease to exist. Because without a mind to believe in me, there is no me.





The hills are alive with the sound of music





this is the first post, and it is complete.

posted by Landor Aiel