Thanks Midi.

Glad you found something new for your piercing. Sounds like it works well.

I hope the replacement goes smoothly, Dragonwings.
I just finished my last final for the semester. I hope I get the Jo Ann Fabric job.

Thanks Puck.

Yay for being finished finals! I hope you get the job. Sounds like it will be fun.

That...sounds absolutely horrible, Dragonwings... Wow... I don't know what to say...I will be here, wishing the best for you and that everything works out in the end...

Yesterday I had a pretty big problem... I woke up very dizzy for an unknown reason. It caused me to be bedridden for practically the whole day (due to the nauseous feeling and discomfort of the dizzy state). Yet no matter how long I lied down, I didn't get better... What a waste of a day. Today I feel better for the most part, minus occasional dizziness here and there. Who knows what's going on with me. I swear...There always has to be something wrong with me. *sigh*

Aw, I hope all of those who are going through medical issues feel better soon! Sending good wishes and positive energy your way.

Lately I haven't been doing much. But it was pouring down raining as I was walking back from the store. I love the rain so it was all good, but I had no umbrella or hat, and I was walking with a paper grocery bag. That thing melted in two seconds...

I'm having a shitty day. I had to go a meeting really early, so I got outside, and it was pouring down. Nearly missed the bus. My leg hurts again because I had to hurry down the stairs. Didn't get enough sleep last night, so I was all bleary eyed too.
And then when I got to the meeting, my caseworker said that she couldn't just write me off as being severely depressed anymore, because "it's not like you're suicidal or anything, you just need to get out more."
Really? Excuse me, but what the hell? I don't look like someone who's happy. I just dropped a lot of weight, I've begun cutting again, I don't sleep well without medication and my life haven't been nice lately. I have circles under my eye, my skin looks awful, my hair is dull and I'm so tired all the time. Sometimes I wish I could just turn off my brain. I would still be here for my friends and family, but I wouldn't really be here. I wish I would die in some sort of freak accident so no one would feel any guilt like they would if it was a suicide. I want to die, but I also want to live, and if that's not suicidal, I don't know what is.
I know that I'm pretty good at hiding things like this, but I just can't help but think that people around me are either refusing to see it, or just not paying any attention, because even though I can hide a lot of things, this isn't one of them. I think's it very obvious that I'm sick. I know that people have heard me crying at night. I also know that they must think it's a bit weird that I walk around like some sort of zombie most days. I don't laugh, I don't smile, I don't talk. Isn't that warning signs? I'd like to think that it is.
I just wish the people whose job is it to help me could understand me. I'm so tired of constantly running into people that thinks I just need to get myself together, because they're under the impression that depression = just feeling a little under the weather.


I'll go cuddle under the covers with my cat now.

Alucard, it sounds like you had a bout of Vertigo. I've had it twice before, and it can ruin your whole day. Usually, it's caused by something wrong with your inner ear. If it persists, you should see a doctor and get to the underlying cause.

Alice: That was rude of your case worker. They definitely need more compassionate people in those positions. Is there any way that you could talk to someone else about this? Or see another counselor/caseworker? Sorry if that's a dumb question; I don't really know much about caseworkers or counselors.

Alucard, thank you. I'm hoping things work out too. I also hope that you figure out what happened with the dizziness. Good luck with that!

Alice, I hope you can find a new caseworker. It sounds like that one doesn't know what she's doing at all. Depression is serious and she should take it seriously.

I'm not sure. I've been thinking about asking for another, because I don't like her approach, but I'm afraid I'll just get someone who's even worse. The system is kind of harsh - for example, if you haven't found a job or started on some sort of education after 6 months, they'll have to start pushing you, because the point of the system is to make sure people find jobs. Sometimes it seems they forget that it's a little embarassing to live off the taxpayers money and not something you do because you're just lazy. I've been absent due to illness since I was 16, so I think it's just plain ignorant to think that will change before I've even gotten a real diagnose and proper help.
It's my experience that's it's hard to find a good caseworker. Some of them just follow the guidelines blindly (these have often worked as a caseworker for a long time), others want to make a difference, but doesn't know how (the new ones). I'm thinking about giving her some links so she can read about depression if she's interested. I'm sure she meant well, but that she just does not understand.

Alice, it's worth a try to change to someone else. I mean, honestly, I had a [crappy] psychiatrist who left me after 3 sessions, and got transferred to a therapist who was even worse, and then talked to my GP about a different option, and ended up getting [some] proper help.

I hope you get a better caseworker Alice.
Here's to that Vertigo clearing up, Alucard!

I've been having hideous mood swings. Periods and very close to period PMS are the only times i mood swing without reason. But I just can't seem to be properly happy right now. I was in my kitchen going to call to make a hair appointment, but decided to lay down and cry for no reason. After ten minutes I get back up take five steps and then promptly repeat the laying down and crying. I received some great news but I can't get very excited about it. My family friend that I rely on began talking to me and although she's very important to me I hated listening to her and didn't want to hear her anymore. I usually eat like a shrew but have been avoiding food for the past four or five days only to make pancakes, take two bites, and not want to eat them anymore. I feel useless and confused and tired of being confused. I feel like I'm just being a burden on people around me and I just want a solid source of direction, something dependable. But the problem is that it's mood swings without cause and it's usually swinging into sadness and leaving me there to dig my own way out. Anyone have advice on dealing with weird emotions?

Puck, maybe you should talk to a doctor? I hope things get better for you. We're here for you!

I got an appointment for tomorrow for the orthopedic people to look at my hip. Hopefully I'll know more about what's going on after that appointment.

Alucard, I think I may have a hunch as to what's causing your dizziness/nausea. Sometimes, I get cases just like yours. In fact, one time I found myself worried because it persisted for more than a day, so I went to the ER. Upon arrival and hearing the doctor's opinion, it turns out that I'd had a panic attack. However, the symptoms were quite different from what I'm used to.

Maybe you have some hidden anxiety? Just a hunch.

-- Thu May 10, 2012 12:48 pm --




Alice, I've been where you're at, but in a different sense. I generally don't like to share my issues but I will share with you. I'm bipolar and for a long time had no idea why I act so strange sometimes, whether I'm incredibly irritated, way too happy, or feeling incredibly low.

My mother denies at every step that there is anything wrong, and that everything is one big excuse. Needless to say, our relationship is pretty rocky because of it.

I can sympathize with you on the basis that, generally, in society today, there is a lack of awareness and education when it comes to mental illnesses. Granted, the majority of the population nowadays suffers from at least one kind of mental issue; but your therapist, it sounds like, isn't delving deep enough into your depression to help you correct it. Although she is a therapist, she is one of the few that just don't get it. I had a therapist just like yours, and worried about my mental well-being, (and the fact that they were sucking me dry financially,) I switched to a better office.

My point, although kind of long-winded (I apologize for this,) is that one could explain until he or she is blue in the face to those who don't understand, but they never will. The best thing you could do is try to switch to a better office, and also surround yourself with people who do understand and who do care; (I'm sure they're hiding in the woodwork and would be happy to listen. )

"Keep that chin up, for even the weakest of prophets can see that things will go your way."

If you ever need an ear to bend, feel free to send me a message, okay?

-- Thu May 10, 2012 12:59 pm --



Puck, it sounds like you may have a small case of either Bipolar Disorder, or possibly Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (have you ever heard of it?) I'll mention that, if you happen to have Bipolar Disorder and not realize it, that it has the ability to go hand-in-hand with your periods and make them worse mood-wise. I understand how you feel. When I'm feeling like a sad panda, (ha ha, corny, I know ), I try either going for a walk, listening to some good music, or doing something I enjoy to take my mind off of it. Maybe a trip to the doctor is needed?

Feel free to let me know how everything works out for you! Anytime you need anyone to talk to, I'll always answer a message.

-- Thu May 10, 2012 1:02 pm --



I wish you the best of luck, Dragon! Keep us posted! *Hugs*

Perhaps Mood Swings is not the best way to say it. I just feel disinterested and unhappy without any of the manic stages bipolarity would entail. I mentioned periods because I got over mine last week so I shouldn't be feeling unhappy. My PMS is generally unhappiness and gradually rising anger, not ceaseless weeping. i suppose it could be frustration with not being sure what I should be doing or something. They probably charge to check your mental health and no tengo dinero.