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 Having a non-goth friend 
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Dis
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
I have never dated another goth in all my life...I find that without the difference in personality the relationship lacks the spark....flame not sure ( But I know you all get what I'm talking about.) And that when I have tried to date other goths we both just end up bored; do to not having any new experiences to try together. I don't mean to say that we don't do things together; but it wasn't new. We would go out to see a concert but it was people we had already both seen and heard. On the flip side, when I've dated non-goths its means more to me personally, all the things we do together are new for both of us. So in conclusion I find that,for me, dating goth or other alternative peoples just doesn't give me what I'm looking for.(Does this answer the question i think it does but am not sure.)

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Wed Nov 23, 2011 10:23 am
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GAF
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
onyxmoon wrote:
I have never dated another goth in all my life...I find that without the difference in personality the relationship lacks the spark....flame not sure ( But I know you all get what I'm talking about.) And that when I have tried to date other goths we both just end up bored; do to not having any new experiences to try together. I don't mean to say that we don't do things together; but it wasn't new. We would go out to see a concert but it was people we had already both seen and heard. On the flip side, when I've dated non-goths its means more to me personally, all the things we do together are new for both of us. So in conclusion I find that,for me, dating goth or other alternative peoples just doesn't give me what I'm looking for.(Does this answer the question i think it does but am not sure.)


I find it the opposite, actually.

Not with dating, but with having goth and non-goth friends. I'm not about looking for new things to do all the time. I like having people I can relate to, not people I have to explain why I like the things I do. I like being able to squee over the same bands coming into concert as other Goths. Or being introduced to new dark bands by people more deep into the music than I am. I don't know everything and I'm always willing to learn and explore this subculture further.

I certainly don't snub friendship with non-goths, but I think the connection with someone who doesn't 'get' my love of things Goth can only go so far.

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Wed Nov 23, 2011 5:05 pm
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Avernus
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
Most all of my friends aren't goth. I'm not even heavily goth. I don't even like gothic music that much anymore! I like music I can dance to, hip-hop and stuff like that. I still listen to alternative, some metal and ALOT of punk (Misfits and Danzig all the way!!!). I used to chill with the goth crowd (still do actually haha) but then I started opening myself up to other people and I'll hang out with just about anyone now, goth or not. 8)


Thu Nov 24, 2011 6:49 pm
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Stygia
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
I have just started the goth stuff so im a bit of a newbie. (soz if im intruding or anything) I have a few friends that are not goths and its good. I am dating a non-goth at the moment and i think as long as they have no problem with goths you are good. Its is going realy well. :D (soz, im just a newbie)


Thu Dec 08, 2011 10:38 am
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Dis
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
I actually don't have any Goth friends period. In high school and college I had alternative friends, black metal head friends, hippie, hip hop/ rap. All my alternative friends, black metal and metal head friends have moved off. Most of my friends know( same ones since high school) only listing to hip hop, rap. Only 2 like metal/rock but not Gothic music. My soon to be ex Hubie listens to metal but not as much as rap and hip-hop. I pretty much open minded with my friends taste in whatever they enjoy. :)


Thu Dec 22, 2011 1:51 pm
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Stygia
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
Just got dumped by the non-goth girl. She said that she was bored of me and that I was to gothy for her tastes...bitch.

I also have a wired mix of friends. One is a punk but quite likes heavy metal/biker metal :evil: another likes dub step,drum step and drum and bass. :roll: the other one doesn't know what he likes. :D


Fri Dec 23, 2011 12:54 am
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Dis
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
Eh, at the moment I really have no close friends. Though I do have a number of fairly friendly acquaintances (not that I refer to them like that in person, it's mostly a distinction in my mind). None of them are goth though.
As for dating...well...I pretty much only end up dating people who are "alternative" in some manner. Not that I do it intentionally.

I suppose the biggest hurdle would be shared interests. I often find that I only share one or two interests with most people. So, often times, I limit my interaction with them to those things. There is a certain dissonance there I suppose. That is, most of the time I really just don't care about or don't like the things a lot of people like to talk about, and vice versa.

Not trying to sound like I'm better than anyone, but most conversations people try to suck me into just seem trite and boring. And most of the conversations I try to initiate leave me wondering if I'm stupid or something because of the usual blank stares I receive. So I mostly keep to myself these days. I've long given up my habit of taking interest in and intentionally engaging anyone I happen to run into in day to day life who appears goth or alternative. Not that I go out of my way to avoid them either. I suppose that was something I was more compelled to do as a teenager during my so-called "baby bat" years. The majority of those people just turned out to be bigger, more arrogant, and judgmental assholes than "normal" people.

To tie that last bit back into the topic, eventually I wizened up, stopped making gross assumptions about people and started treating everyone the same upon initially meeting them. Life is a lot more enjoyable once you stop all the high school clique bullshit and just associate with whoever makes you happy. I just have different people I associate with depending on the events of the day, and at the moment, don't have anyone in my life with whom I happen to share a large percentage of interests.

Anyone grown up and worth my while doesn't care that I happen to have a different way of life than they do, and I don't hold their way of life against them. Anyone who wants to criticize me for socializing with people who aren't goth, or who wants to try to question my, "gothness," I guess I'd call it, can feel free to fuck off. I don't have to justify myself to anyone, and neither do you.


Fri Dec 23, 2011 1:27 am
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Stygia
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
A highly stirring speech. Bravo! :) I can relate to many a thing in that. I recon I am just in the autum months of my " baby bat years" and I hope I will be able to be accepted in the goth scene. i thank you...


Fri Dec 23, 2011 6:14 am
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Dis
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
banshi wrote:
Just got dumped by the non-goth girl. She said that she was bored of me and that I was to gothy for her tastes...bitch.

I also have a wired mix of friends. One is a punk but quite likes heavy metal/biker metal :evil: another likes dub step,drum step and drum and bass. :roll: the other one doesn't know what he likes. :D



Well that was Sh*ty. Don't feel bad this has happened to me a guy has dumped me saying im too goth/weird *rollseyes*


Fri Dec 23, 2011 10:49 am
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
Most of my friends are alternative (or at least try to be). I tried dating out of the whole alternative culture once... didn't work out too well. haha.
Current boyfriend is a massive metalhead.

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Wed Jan 18, 2012 7:05 am
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Malbolge
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
My first response to seeing this topic was "well, I hope you'd at least have one non-goth friend." It's good to have perspective and to see people first and labels second.

That said, it would be nice to know more people who shared my interests and would help enable me :wink: . I know about the whole "Geek Fallacy" thing, (not everyone under the same subcultural umbrella can or should be friends). Hey, "goth" is such a wide umbrella that it really doesn't tell you much about people's personalities or ideals, but still it would be nice to have someone around who doesn't think it's loony for a supposed grownup to be unnaturally attracted to bat and spider designs.

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Wed Jan 18, 2012 7:28 am
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Phlegethos
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
Hmm.... I've dated a couple of goth boys before, but I never had any close friends who were goth. Some acquaintances, yeah, and definitely people who appreciated and occasionally participated in the goth scene and stuff, but no actual goths...

The majority of my friends now are not goth. Nor is my husband (fortunately he doesn't mind my being goth, as long as I don't go übergoth on him). But it's no problem at all! The people I associate with are all goth-friendly and open-minded, and that's really all that matters. Like others have said, all it takes it mutual respect and honesty to create meaningful relationships, regardless of how one identifies, be it goth, nerd, punk, or whatever. If someone can't give you that honesty and respect, you're better off without them.

All that said, I do wish I had more goth friends! Since I moved I haven't explored the local scene. Ah, but that is for another forum.


Wed Jan 18, 2012 10:18 am
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Stygia
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
I am happy to say I married a goth (who introduced me to this forum) and I enjoy the fact that we have the same taste in music, movies and fashion. It is refreshing to be able to be myself with someone. Most of our friends are not goth and honestly it often becomes tiresome... They complain about our tastes and many have even stopped hanging out with us. We live in the 'burbs and we are in our 30's so finding others like us is really hard to do. My best friends aren't goth, but at lest have an appreciation for a few similar things and can find our eccentricities entertaining.

Still, I often wonder what it would be like to have friends that were really into the same things we are.


Wed Jan 18, 2012 10:24 am
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
Night Mare wrote:
"...we have the same taste in music, movies and fashion. It is refreshing to be able to be myself with someone. Most of our friends are not goth and honestly it often becomes tiresome... They complain about our tastes and many have even stopped hanging out with us. We live in the 'burbs and we are in our 30's so finding others like us is really hard to do. My best friends aren't goth, but at lest have an appreciation for a few similar things and can find our eccentricities entertaining.

Still, I often wonder what it would be like to have friends that were really into the same things we are."


I know this feeling - it's how I at least in part rationalize not dating non-goths because when there's nothing in common, there's nothing to talk about. I also believe the more connected you are to someone, the better the sex - so even if I did hook up with an orange-skinned blonde that's a "10/10" in terms of looks I wouldn't necessarily have the greatest sex with her because we'd probably be nothing alike. Sex is nice, but sex with someone you have a lot in common with is better.
Unfortunately I feel as though a lot of non-goth girls wouldn't date me anyways because I associate with this subculture, but there isn't a lot of loss there because of two factors:

a) We'd probably be nothing alike and that would bore me. In my opinion, you can only humour and compromise for another person so much before the relationship becomes TOO much of a stretch to make things work.

b) If she can't see the good in me and what I bring to the table, she doesn't deserve to. End of story.

....A lot of the "friends" I made in 2nd year university wanted less and less to do with me after we all had moved out from the dorm because I was still *me* and they half-expected me just to drop everything I was just because they let me hang out with them for a semester because I became *good* friends with one of their own.

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Wed Jan 18, 2012 1:13 pm
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Malbolge
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Post Re: Having a non-goth friend
I'm the only goth out of my friends, my best friend is a punk (like scene punk) but listens to goth music, I don't know if that counts. Most of my friends are scene or hipster, metal heads in 2nd and rap in 3rd. Where I'm from, goths in general are hard to come by, so goth girls are a even harder to come across.

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Wed Jan 18, 2012 1:27 pm
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