I have some goth friends, but the vast majority of them are either net-friends, or I've only met in the last 2 years or so.

Something tells me your experiences will change when you go into work. A job will put you into an environment with people from very varied backgrounds.

I have tons of non goth friends, but they are A: Alternative in some way B: Artists C: Geeks/Otaku d: Online. I even have some friends who are none of the above who keep me a bit on top of the interests of the hoi polloi. (Though I could of went my whole life not knowing what "Party Rock" was.)

When it comes to dating I rather them be a geek more than anything. Since geekery is a major part of my life, I want to share it and want acceptance. Jed is my fiance and we love watching anime or sci fi and doing panels at cons and snuggling up watch Linkara or something. Gothgeek and Supergeek love for the win.

Basically all my friends are non-goths. I only know a couple that are or that are friends with goths. I'm not that picky about friends- as long as they are friendly towards me and my friends, aren't total jerks and can actually tolerate me (if they can put up with my morbid sense of humour, music/fashion tastes and have nothing in common with goths I congratulate them).

There are only so many times you can here the "I'm not a stereotype" stereotype before it gets grating. Turns out for me that number was reached long before I met most of the local goths.

I don't have any goth friends. Back at school, I guess I was with the 'alternative crowd', but now I'm older, they either grew tired of the scene or we stopped being friends (distance, uni and whatnot).

The few friends I have are the best people I know, and none of them are goths. Open-minded, interesting and quirky. A trait is that they're tolerant and understanding of how people like different things. I couldn't be friends with somebody who was preachy and intolerant. If somebody's a goth it doesn't necessarily mean we'll automatically be friends, it depends on whether they're being a dick or not. Plus, it doesn't automatically mean they'll be interesting at all.

First of all, I don't have a lot of friends. Most of my friends that I *do* have aren't goth. It leads to some rather stark differences sometimes. However, I gotta say, and I hate to be a tremendous douchebag here...... the friends of mine that drifted towards goth or at least "alternative" I ended up being better friends with.

I remember in university some years where I was superficially "friends" with a lot of people in my dorm, but aside from basic pleasantries, we didn't really have much to say to each other. When the year was up, both parties would forget about each other's existence, though it was much quicker for the more mainstream-y people to do so, I found.

In my last year of university, I lived in what's called a "cluster" house. It's basically a small home on campus that 4 people live in. Sorta like a miniature version of the big dorms. I had 3 roommates who tried their best to include and engage me. While I did appreciate their efforts, going to the Top 40 clubs and dancing to music I'm not familiar with while being surrounded by largely inconsiderate, closed-minded people who aren't my "type" just isn't my idea of a good time. Towards the end of the year, I found myself more and more declining offers to go out because I knew how things would basically be.


Arbitrator, I understand the point about feeling like I would be the one mostly compromising, especially if I get around to dating anyone from my hometown (where I live now). I live in a small, kinda redneck-y place on Vancouver Island. There really isn't a lot of tolerance for "alternative" people here. Getting out of here is one of my major life goals because I can't see myself still here at 30 (I'm 23). As for your other point about not needing a relationship, I can sorta see that one. What holds me back from full understanding is that I feel like I need one. I'm trying to work on that neediness, but it's rather arduous and slow.


I in general, am very tolerant and open. All that would need to be proven for me to accept someone into my life is if they could accept me; a hundred times more so in terms of potential romantic relationships. Where I live right now to me, exacerbates my feelings of alienation and loneliness. It was only *slightly* better at university, though arguably I can make the point that overall, my life really hasn't gotten much better since I was in high school. Maybe I'm just not meant to have certain things in my life, or at least not as much as some other people do.

. . .Lately, I've found that embracing myself completely as my own unique *entity* instead of constantly comparing myself to others has helped somewhat. If nothing else, living back here with my parents in this small town I grew up in allowed me to re-discover the love I had for my various peculiarities.

I am an unintentional stereotype.

I'm a somewhat intentional stereotype. There are things that I do/would do that are stereotypically associated with "goths", but then to throw people a curve ball from time to time and completely shatter that person or people's impression of me by defying the stereotype.

Example: People assume "goths" to be little more than depressed whiners that sit around listening to sad music all the time, sometimes at coffee shops. I'm more pro-active these days and I try and channel the hurt into something beautiful instead of letting it build up inside of me. I might not always have the best attitude, however I find that taking positive, pro-active actions in life will always trump just "being positive" alone.

I believe it is absolutely possible to be good friends with, or be in a committed relationship with, a non-Goth.The key thing, I think, is respect, acceptance and understanding--but that's key to any relationship, isn't it?

...Bear in mind, I've been a closet Goth, at best, my entire life and have only ever been with slightly alternative people--with exception to my recent boyfriend, who is entirely Goth. I get along most easily with Gothy types, because, usually, discussing putting small dead animals in formaldehyde does not sit well with mundanes......

There's lots of stereotypes, but the one that I'm NOT is lonely!!!

In fact, time to myself and solitude are two things I wholeheartedly cherish nowadays. I guess it's just me dealing with the transition between growing up in the country where I hardly spoke 100 words a day, and moving to the sprawling metropolis of Japan, where I'm working in close proximity with loads of people every day.

As for non-goth friends, I have loads, from every walk of life: goth, metalhead, skinhead, punk, rivethead, hippie, etc. and even a few normals here and there.

My significant other is 10 years older than me, a professor/researcher on makeup culture at a university, and generally prefers music more along the lines of glam, hard rock, 80s hair metal, and 80s metal. Her favorite bands are Motley Crue, Poison, and the New York Dolls, and she generally dresses conservative, Japanese businesswoman style.
I wouldn't really call her "mainstream", but she's definitely not "alternative" either. Somewhere in that grey area.
We're definitely night and day, and she doesn't always understand why I love the things I love, but she likes me, and that matters! She also gets along with a lot of my goth/alternative friends, which is rare.
We have a few things in common: we went to see Iron Maiden once, where most of my past goth girlfriends wouldn't be caught dead wearing anything with Eddie on it!

I tend to find alternative people to be more or less the same as regular people, as I have met loads of assholes into these scenes as well. I've met some goths I've had NOTHING in common with, not even within the same subculture! Many of my ex-girlfriends have had emotional problems, various narcissistic complexes and whatnot.
If someone can tolerate me and respect my tastes, then I respect them and theirs.

Occasionally I go drinking with my coworkers, and not all of them are bad people. The type of normals I can't stand are the hard-edged judgmental conservatives who hate/fear anything they can't understand.
Racists, homophobes, religious puritans, populists, "alpha males", stereotypical businessmen, etc. would all make this list of types that I despise......

Iron Maiden put on an awesome show live. I'm not a fan, but you can't argue with that kind of stage presence.

No, you're a self-aware stereotype, a person who "gets the joke".

I'd rather get the joke than be the joke.


To-san, your exes are all crazy! Eddie is the shit!

It is, and it took me awhile to get there (months actually). Eventually I sort of realized that if I just moved from relationship to relationship eventually the baggage is gonna cross over, and what I needed was to work on myself. So I analyzed all my past relationships and really looked into what I wanted in a girl I would be interested in. I then reached the conclusion that making a criteria in the end doesn't matter, because if someone you're talking to wants you they'll become what you want them to be, and slowly revert back to their true selves. It would be like "I want a smart, funny woman who knows how to carry a conversation". and they'll be like 'Yeah I'm all of those things!", only to find out that they aren't down the road.

So I've learned not to expect things from the people I'm dating (or interested in dating), and I just go with the flow. If I meet someone cool and the date went good it's pretty much "Yeah she's pretty cool! , I wouldn't mind doing that again", instead of me being like "OMG I love her and I need to be in a relationship".

Initially I saw being in a relationship as a status thing, for me it was like "I got a girlfriend so I'm more successful than I was being single", and that was the wrong approach. My time thinking things through and having "me" time really allowed me to re-examine how I approached relationships, and it's working out pretty good. But it takes a lot of time and introspective thought. Now I see dating as having fun with the one you're interested in, and not necessarily something you'd invest all your emotions into all at once. Investing emotion is more of a gradual thing and best played by ear (like when both of you reciprocate the same vibe).

Sorry about the wall of text about this issue, but because you're dealing with the same thing I dealt with I wanted to give you my journey in a nutshell and see if it helps you out any . It took lots of hard lessons and pain for me to learn, but I learned nonetheless. I'm aware that your entire town is full of people who aren't open to the goth subculture, but it's something that might help you when you get out of your town. There's more to the story but I didn't want to flood the thread.

My boyfriend provides the colours I lack, looking at us we appear to be polar opposites! All of my friends are non-goth and I don't mind, they're my friends after all, the only time the difference becomes apparent is when I choose songs on the pub jukebox.

Funnily enough the only other goth peep I met was stereotypically mean and snarky and we didn't get along at all... so much for having a spooky accomplice!

None of my friends are goth. There's scenekids, emos, metallers and glamrockers. But no goths. And I'm fine with that. We don't share the same tastes in music and clothes, but we can still have a nice conversation, and we sure knows how to party together.
My fiance loves dating a goth girl, though. Because we're sooo pretty