I hate the idea that people can't be perfectly happy if they're single, that's BS.

Some can be imperfectly happy. Takes all sorts in this world, friends help though.

I'm sorry it's a tough situation for you. Sounds like you need to get the divorce and have him pay alimony and/or child support. That can give you some financial help. I know you may feel that your future is uncertain, but by making the choices you're making now, to move back in with someone who, from what you write here, believes it's ok to try and control what you do, and who still seems to have an emotional connection to you, you're choosing your future right now. But, again, it seems that your mind is made up to make this choice, so all I can say is best of luck with it.

When I was at school, I didn't really have a boyfriend. It never really bothered me. I could absolutely never sympathise with movie plots that involved awkward teenage girls absolutely pining away for the hot jock. Sure, I had a couple of crushes, but it was nothing more than that. For one, I was under no illusions that the subjects of my crushes would ever feel the same way about me, so I was content to just smile at them dopily (a couple of them were actually very sweet to me, one protected me from bullies at one point), but I also wasn't fooling myself that it was love. I've always found those sorts of themes somewhat pathetic, and I could never find myself feeling very sympathetic for the few friends who were that way either. I never believed having a boyfriend was the be all and end all.

And I do still believe that you can't define yourself by a relationship, that you have to be your own person, seperate from that special someone. But its very easy for me to say that now that I'm with Harry.

It's also extremely hypocritical of me to say it. Just the thought of me and him breaking up makes me feel very sick, and I do actually fear that I would probably have some sort of break down if something ever happened and we were no longer together. Thing is though, how the heck am I supposed to distance myself from the man I've been in love with for 7 years and want to marry? Especially when there is so much physical distance? I know its kind of messed up...especially as Harry said that he would give me up if it made me happy. Btw, that came up when we had that conversation last year about whether or not we were to continue. He told me to think on that and spent the next couple of days trying to drink himself into a stupor. His friends were very worried for him, did their best to distract him, and he was relieved that I decided I couldn't be without him. It was only afterwards that I found out he'd been drinking to blot out those thoughts. Harry doesn't actually drink much either. If nothing else, at least I know that this was important to him but I hope I never cause him pain to do that again.

Don't you know it's manifest destiny that everyone *must* be partnered and have children?! That's the only way anyone can ever be happy!

That just sounded really rude. I think I'll just keep it to myself for now on when I'm upset.

*huggles Midi* I don't think she meant any insult, Midi, she's not been here long and not familiar with your situation.

Yeah. Sorry I'm just really emotional right now and I guess I'm taking things more personally (and in negative ways).

Its ok for you to be emotional *makes you cyber hot chocolate*

Here's the thing. Thanks for trying to smooth things over Blackavar, but the issue is not whether I'm familiar or not with Medieval's situation. The issue is that if you believe you're worth better than how you've been treated in the past, and if you truly want better for yourself, you'll make better choices for yourself. It's not an easy road, by any means, but it will help make you stronger. Choose better for yourself, and better is what you'll get.

Mine point is not being so rude about it. You don't know me, nor can you know what is best for me, as I don't know what is best for myself and you could have been nicer about it instead of acting annoyed at me for unloading my feelings. If you don't like what I say fine, don't respond, as I am no longer going to respond.

I'm not annoyed with you for sharing your feelings. I have an MA in educational counseling and I know how valid and important sharing feelings is. What I get annoyed with is when people constantly make bad choices when they know better. You know what will happen if you live with your ex. Your writing here shows that you know. Yet you're still making the choice because you feel like there are no other options for you. If you don't want those things to happen, then make a different choice. That's my advice. Obviously, it's completely up to you whether you follow my advice or not. If you do, and make a better choice, you may find that better things happen. If not, I wish you luck in what happens next. But I think you already know what will follow.

I'm sorry, but I felt the need to add my opinion here. Sometimes the "choices" you are referring to aren't so easy to make. My girlfriend of 4 and a half years and I have been thru some crazy shit. Some of it would have broken up another couple, but she "chose" to stick with me even though it was very stressful for her. Until you know all the facts, please don't assume it is an easy choice to make....

:delete:

Note to everyone here: Do NOT take this to a personal level. And, by that, I mean the following: No one is qualified to speak for another person's situation. Talk about your own relationships, that's fine. But don't assume that what works for you must also work for others.

And truthfully, this thread has run its course. Topic closed.

-- Nephele