Granted! But they're alive and would know if you tried to eat one of the cookies or slice the cake and they'd scream whenever they saw you. You feel horrible and won't eat another sweet ever again.

I wish I had long hair.

Granted. Fleas included.

I wish Goth was a religion

granted, but it becomes too mainstream and everyone leaves

I wish I had a new computer

Granted. It's super intelligent, but highly paranoid and tries to kill you.

I wish Vincent Price was still alive to make films.

Granted, but he would look the way that he does by now (although he could play some pretty interesting roles )

I wish my 1920's paycheck printer could really be used.

Granted. You start your Wall Street clerks' job on October 29th... 1929.

I wish potatoes could sing me to sleep.

Granted. Except since they have eyes, they can sing ABOUT you too!

I wish my coworkers wouldn't bother me with assignments while I'm out on vacation this week.

granted but you will never have another vacation
I wish for a good book

Granted

I wish it would rain all day and every day here.

Flood granted!

I wish my dolls would hurry up and get here!

Granted. They'd get here via SpaceShip Two and you'd have to pay for their tickets ($200,000 per head)
I wish that wine had 0 calories.

Granted. But, with the inevitability of night following day, it tastes foul.

I wish it was going to be busy at work.

Granted-you'll be swamped to bursting with work and they'll have to hire more people to keep up with the demand. Those people will be loud, they'll insult you, and they'll eat your lunch. Enjoy!

I wish I could make people see reason.

Granted. Everybody say bye-bye to emotions and the amygdala.

I wish I had a Star Trek style transporter.

Granted. With nerd fans by your door all day long.

I wish I could learn Ankoku Butoh (bonus if you won't mention The Godess).