Well, many of us here seem to be in relationships- or leaving them. I had a hard time naming this thread as I was going to go with 'marriage and divorce, but I figured that relationships pretty much covered it. Also, this is in General Discussion but if it should be in domesticated, please feel free to move it (to the mods and admins.)

So The Relationship Thread has begun.

This is for anything going on in your relationship. New relationship, good things, bad things, problems and resolutions, breaking up- let's show our support for each other here concerning our relationships!

Here are the ones I know about at the moment that I would like to give honorable mentions to:

Harpy and LS: If you two get much crazier- we'll commit you!

Blackavar: It can't be easy to have a long distance relationship and I know you and Harry have to struggle sometimes, yet you always seem to be able to pull it off and get by.

Wolfie: Though I rarely ever hear you say anything about your husband, I know you're married so here's to my wishing you happiness- and wish you don't kill anyone.

Minnie: You don't speak much on your partner, but it seems like you two have a great relationship. I am happy for you.

Centurion: Good luck in your engagement. I haven't heard much about it lately, but last I heard, I believe you were engaged.

Arq: You have a girlfriend last I noticed as well. Good luck to you too!

Gothic Butterfly: May your strength and faith get you where you need to go and I hope everything works out for the better concerning your current separation.


I am sure that there are others here as well!

So don't be shy. Be it relationship problems, tips or advice, or just getting things off your chest concerning your relationship or someone close to you (or encouragement to others), this is a great place to do so.

That would be a greater honor than the gnetters could imagine.

My feelings about a good relationship is that it's best to be close friends first - to be comfortable talking about anything and knowing your partner is the type who wants to be there for you.
I can't buy into what some people say about "there are some things you can't discuss with your spouse, you need a friend of the same sex" because "all men communicate this way, all women communicate that way" (well, maybe about certain medical issues, but I can't think of anything else).

And don't rush into anything! Get to know each other very well first. You've got to live with the person for the rest of your life (don't go into it thinking "Well, it might not work out I can always get out later")

I may not have a lot of experience with this but my parents, grandparents and other relatives have (or had - my father, one uncle, and grandparents are dead) long marriages.

And a sense of humor is ESSENTIAL. (especially in my case )

I agree with Harpy, on the knowing the person well.

I'm in a long-distance relationship, and the fellow and I have been friends for about 4 years. We met here on Goth.Net, and both happened to like Goth music, as well as Black Metal.

Anyways, I'm glad to say my relationship with Jason is going well. We had been unofficial for awhile, but we met in August, and became official. So, officially, we've been dating for 2 months as of the 7th. And when I get my passport, I'm going to visit him. Then early-mid next year, he's hoping to move up here.

I've already commited, just to someone, not somewhere just yet. I hope it works out with H, but life is never certain. You just have to do it for the right reasons and not hold back. To really love is to expose your innermost self, risk your vunerability. Without that, its not a relationship but a fake.

From what I think I know, trust is the important thing, the big ticket item regarding money and love. The betrayal of which in my eyes will kill a relationship stone dead. Rebuilding trust is hard, I've done it only to be burned again by the same person. But playing devils advocate, there are always two sides to every story, you can give advice but not be aware of misinformation or being manipulated. Its a more adult thing to expose yourself to criticism, that you are imperfect and not the center of the universe - how you feel about something is not the reality of the situation, just a viewpoint in others eyes, through their own experiences and bias.

Also, what H says as well. Its not that men or women don't communicate, but they often communicate in different ways, you have to build those bridges.

just my two cents worth @ 2am!

The only relationship I've ever been in was a long distance one, which lasted just over three months. I honestly think I loved him, he actually made me feel like I was worth anything at all. We stayed best friends even after we broke up, even though he lied about why he had done it. I'm probably too forgiving. I still feel the same way about him as I did four years ago, even though I've tried numerous times to ignore him and go out with other guys. Nothing seems to work. Everything reminds me of him, even though it's been four years. I don't know what to do, I can't talk to anyone else I know about it. He has a girlfriend now, and even though I want him to be happy with her, it kills me. I don't know what to do anymore, but I DON'T want to lose him as a friend. Any advice?

Rammstien: I wish I had advice to give, but I don't.

As for the other comments, I agree, especially about trust and the lack thereof. My thought also go to ThePaganMafia and his divorce.

Divorce and separations seem to be happening a lot lately (to myself included).

Thanks Midieval...

I am handling like any good Alabamian would-sitting here drinking Bud Lite, with Lynryd Skynryd blaring, and a re-run of the recent Alabama vs. Flordia college football game.

I get alot of crap because im polyamorous but i dont mind and neither do my boys, the lovely ericSKMN on here is my boyfriend, as well as Illiad, but he doesnt have an account here.

its funny how people usually just assume i sleep around since im poly, but truth is im the least sexual person ive ever met and its never been about that... my heart just refuses to give up loving people.

My man and I... Gender is superfluous, we would have found each other, regardless. More years than I care to state here, we're still together.

We started out as long-distance friends (me in New York, him in England). Friendship that catches fire burns the hottest and the longest.

-- Nephele

I'll take this as a good omen

I've only had one relationship..... It lasted sixteen months and ended a couple of weeks ago. We seem to have managed to stay friends this time.... Though it's hard to say for sure. She's been in a different city since a few days after the last time we broke up. Haven't heard from her much.... She has no Internet and neither of us has money on our phones. Hopefully it doesn't get weird..... We're living together for another ten months.

Well, only ever had one boyfriend (yeah yeah he asked me out over Facebook chat...). Lasted 2 months, 3 days (I'm good with dates I naturally count ALL periods of time!), then we broke up (Ok, ok, he broke up with ME I admit it!) then almost 2 weeks later, he wanted me back after asking out my best mate. I admit, he did it over text message, I told him to do it in person the next day and it was a yes, so we were back together for a month and 4 days on July 20th. It's been over for over 2 months now, and because I still care about him as a friend, late last month I texted him whilst at camp, he told me to stay out of his life and never talk to him again. This was the last of many fights and I know this poor guy has mental problems and is going through a rough time I'm just too forgiving! He also blames me for the fact aout 3 or 4 of my mates have rejected him because I simply told them the shit he said to me during our 2nd last fight, and how much of an arsehole he was being etc. (In our 2nd last fight... he called me a "Fucked up emo" and said "I dunno why I ever went out with you!" except he's a really bad and lazy typer so it looked like some 8yr old unleashing the fury of CAPS LOCK. The relationship(s) were wonderful, the aftermath was terrible. And by wonderful, I mean NO complaints whatsoever. He was the coolest, he was my best friend too.

Between these two incidences, met a nice guy online (friend of a friend, I almost ended up in an online relationship with him) and ended up having to break him in two and have him threaten suicide when I said "Yes" to my ex. He got a girlfriend like a week later, and is now happy in his longest ever relationship!

Second break up, turned to a male friend of mine, things had always been... a bit more than friendly between us (I kinda wanted a relationship but he didn't at this point so I was appy to settle for his offer until I felt guilty)... Nothing really happened.

But anyway, currently talking to a wonderful guy on the internets, we met in person a week or so ago, he JUST broke up with his girlfriend (she lives near my area we go to the same school, he lives a ditance away only comes up here twice a year or so). He's back home now and we've been emailing eachother ever since. He wants a lovey-dovey type relationship but is happy to settle for friends if I'm not comfortable with that. Problem is I'm just scared I don't have the emotional maturity for a distance relationship, and I may do something stupid with some other guy while he is where he is.

QUESTION: How do you sustain a distance relationship? How do you trust somebody that much to be honest? Is it annoying having a lack of cuddles from someone special when you;re upset etc.? I have a friend who is about a year and a half older than me, and she said her 12 month relationship with a guy many kilometres away was very fulfilling, they met in person once and are still good friends.

Sorry for being so verbose

On long distance relationships:

I don't know really. I know that there are a few people here (myself included) that are in some type of long distance relationship- or has been in one. Sometimes they end up great- other times not so much.

Now your questions one by one, and know that these ae just my opinions on the subject.



Communication is key, I think. If you cannot be physical in any way, then you have to at the very least be able to communicate openly and honestly about things to make up for that lack of touch. This allows for intellectual conversations, humor, and just all around understanding of the others views to take shape. Then you add on trust, understanding, and try to stay positive about the relationship. IF you want it badly enough- you should be willing to do whatever is needed to see it happens.



On the trust and how can you know they will be faithful/honest- you really do have to trust them. Trust is critical. IF you cannot trust the person to be faithful far away- how can you trust the person to be faithful when they are there with you? It comes down really to trust, communication and confidence in each other and your relationship.



It can be, I will not lie. It can be hard- but no relationship is easy- especially not long distance relationships. However, I have found-for me personally mind you, that when I am really upset about something I have found that usually just hearing his voice over the phone is enough to calm me down substantially. When he starts talking or says "we'll figure it out" it really helps to ground me and help my emotions jump off the roller-coaster.

Now, because I feel like it, I will list some pros and cons that i've noticed.

Pros:
1. It allows you to really get to know the person first. If you cannot have sex (or any psychical contact at all) with each other all that is really left is communication. You get to know the person on a deeper level- without having to worry overmuch about sex all the time and physical strains. Since I believe LDR depend much on communication- it makes up the majority of the relationship causing you to become close on so many levels- and not stopping with just the physical.

2. Emotional connection. Once communication is flowing and you are starting you really understand and know the person- the emotional connection to this person can be great and extremely strong.

3. Overall, I think that if you can make a LDR work, then when you finally are together, you already know who you both are and how to communicate. I think it can make a couple stronger than normal relationships because you connect (emotionally and intellectually) before you get together.

Cons:
1. They are not physically there. This can be hard, espeically if you are a really touchy/feely sort of person and just HAVE to have someone beside you at all times.

2. If you cannot handle being alone, or independent (as in depending only on yourself to get your life together and do what has to be done to get where you want to be), then it is probably not for you. During your relationship- you'll be alone (physically). You will have to depend on yourself to get through (financially and physically). If you try to go the LDR route, just remember that though you are doing it alone- they are always there to offer emotional support.

I add independence to this, because I personally do not believe in asking others for help. I do not like the idea of asking someone (in a relationship or not) for something that I cannot get myself. Money and issues surrounding it can cause a lot of problems-especially when you start asking for it from other people. Regardless of if they can help or not- it makes you indebted and shit and that is simply not something I am comfortable it. Of course this is only my personal stance on the subject.

3. The Meeting. You because you connect on an emotional and intellectual level does not mean that you will be able to live together or stand each other's behavior once you finally meet and start living together. You can have the same views, ideas, loves, likes, dislikes, political opinions, religious ideas, etc...but if you do not like the way they live on a day by day basis- then nothing is enough to really keep you together. That old saying 'you never really know a person until you've lived with them' is not just words and can often ring true.

My soon-to-be-ex-husband and I were together a year before we married. I seen him EVERYDAY, talked to him on the phone constantly and did everything with him. In fact the only time we were not together was when I went to Arkansas for the birth of my nephew. While there, I was always on the phone with him. We were great together, honestly and were a wonderful and very loving couple. Then we marry and move in together and it just simply is not what you expect. You start learning things they may have kept hidden from you (which it turns out my ex was really good at) or possess traits that just down right annoy you. This is all guesswork though- in any relationship- be it LDR or normal.

BASICALLY:

You do what you feel is right for you. If you do not think you are mature enough or do not think you can handle it, then do not do it unless you REALLY want to give it a chance.

Personally, I always thought that I could never do a long distance relationship. The statistics and hardships seemed to be just to much for me to want to deal with. Then I met Glenn.

As it is, I am in my first (and hopefully last) LDR (if that is what you want to call what we are ass sometimes I can be unsure with my present situation) and things are going well so far.

Like any relationship, you just never know what the future holds and the best thing you can do is to take it one day at a time and as a good friend told me once "follow your heart".

I've been in a relationship over 2 years with a girl I met at a friends leaving party.
I was supposed to be leaving 2 months after that with another friend to go travelling the world for a few years (turns out it would have been about 3, he's coming back in 6 months), but things were going so well that I decided not to go and see where the relationship went, if things went south I could always catch up with my friend but they never did so here I stayed
We have pretty much nothing in common, and sometimes I worry that might be a problem down the line, but we're very happy together...or at least I am, and I hope she is

To be totally honest sometimes I do wonder if I should have left, but it's usually only when I get down about missing my friend and doesn't last long.

First of all, I'd like to thank you, Midi, for filling a glaring gap. Why, oh why, did no-one think of starting a relationship thread earlier? This, I think, is genuinely a thread for the ages (the speed with which people have started contributing is evidence of that), and so, thank you!

Secondly, I'd just like to add a few comments to what you've said about long-distance relationships. I've been in a couple, and the first thing I'd say is - make sure you're friends, as well. The reason I say this is because in both cases, the person I was in the relationship with was interesting and it was possible to talk about all kinds of interesting things. However, with the second, there was an incredible warmth between us from the very start, which was absent from the first; the first failed, whereas 16 years after it started, the second is still going strong. Never underestimate your stamina; as Midi said, if you both want it to happen enough, it will.

Thirdly, on following your heart - yes, I totally agree. But make sure that your heart is working in combination with your head. In the cases mentioned above, I was totally infatuated with the first woman, and I didn't hear any alarm bells ringing when they should have. In the second case, my eyes were much wider open, and though I instinctively knew that this was the right thing, that it was going to make me happy, I kept myself on an even keel and developed it through friendship to fondness and then to emotional attachment. And it really, really paid off.