I find it taxing just to hold a conversation. Its very unnerving and I sometimes hate myself for it. I have all these things i want to share, so much knowledge I want to release to those I know. I feel I have a small bit of intellect, yet in person you'd never be aware of it, as I always second guess what I know to the point I don't speak at all unless I am one hundred percent sure that I am utterly correct. I don't like to look foolish from an intellectual stand point. To me it is practically a fate worse than death. Writing allows me time to formulate my ideas and thoughts properly (when I want to. I should really do it more often here at gnet. I've just grown so accustom to it here that I've simply stopped watching myself.

With me I am extremely introverted and shy with a lot of people. But if I can talk to someone one on one I am fine. Really though I am more of a listener, I'll just go to a party or something just to listen to others. You learn much more by listening then letting your mouth run. Even one on one I am mostly a listener though I can and do hold a conversation quite well. I'm far more interested in hearing the other person and what they have to say.

My grandmother told me that she grew up with a saying that went something like this:

"It is the quiet ones you have to worry about".

LOL, it is so true. My mind is constantly processing the information when I listen to other people. I guess that is why I made such a great project leader in college, I would let everyone talk and then when the meeting was over I would bring everything together and tell them what we should do.

Apologies for being a bad forumite and not reading all the previous posts in this thread, but I thought I'd jump in with my .02 cents on introversion and extroversion. I'm an INFJ, although when I've taken the Meyers-Briggs personality test in years past, particularly in my younger years, I often tested as an INFP. I think as I grow older, a little more experienced and cynical, my "J" side is becoming more apparent. I'm not surprised that I'm an "I" (introvert), though. And I don't think that's something that will ever change with age. I've been an introvert since I was a kid.

I never really knew the difference between introversion and extroversion until my therapist pointed it out to me over 10 years ago. She suggested I read a book called The Introvert Advantage, which really helped me understand the difference. In a nutshell, the explanation given by the book stated that the main difference between introversion and extroversion is how someone gets energy from other people and stress. There are two kinds of stress - eustress (good stress) and distress (bad stress). To an extrovert, being around other people, talking and sharing ideas, gives them a lot of good stress and helps raise their energy level. Being by themselves, not able to interact and talk with others, causes distress for an extrovert, so he or she needs to get back out there and engage with others.

Similarly to an extrovert, an introvert gets good stress from interacting with other people, too. But unlike an extrovert, that good stress can more quickly turn to bad stress and deplete the introvert's energy when he or she spends too much time interacting with others. That's when the introvert needs to have some downtime to him- or herself, recharge her batteries, so to speak, and regain her energy by spending some time alone. An introvert doesn't feel bad stress by being alone, whereas an extrovert will and has a more urgent need to interact with others. That's not to say that introverts don't feel lonely and prefer doing nothing but spending time alone. In actuality, my favorite thing to do is spend downtime with a significant other, where we don't need to talk a lot, can just hang out and read, listen to music or watch tv without a lot of interaction. Since I'm single, I spend most of my downtime by myself. But I'd much rather be spending it with a partner if I had someone in my life. ...But then I go back to work the next day, spend many hours interacting with students and other people, and am reminded by the end of the day of why I enjoy spending time alone.

I know some things would be easier for me if I had a more extroverted personality, but I've accepted my introversion, am comfortable with it and, in general, prefer my company to others'. I foresee myself becoming quite the cynical, misanthropic old biddy.

I think you are in good company here.

ISFps often have a characteristic stout or chubby, rounded figure. They often have short legs and a bouncy gait, giving the impression of a big springy ball. Their faces are usually smooth and round without any obvious projections. In moments of passionate conversation they can often swallow air like a fish. When ISFps try to explain things, they can move their eyebrows considerably.

ISFps generally appear to be soft-hearted, but can become quite assertive if required. Their facial expression can change suddenly and unexpectedly from friendly one to a stern one, especially when they wish to distance themselves psychologically from someone. ISFps are often inclined to give advise concerning will power and initiative.

ISFps have a well developed aesthetic taste. Their clothes are usually neat, colourful and radiate a warm, comfortable feeling. They like to touch things in order to appreciate their physical qualities. When interacting with others ISFps try to maintain a closeness. They are often outwardly sociable, charming and friendly. They know well how to endear themselves to others and how to make people trust them. They prefer to interact in a democratic fashion, avoiding the spotlight.

ISFps do not usually try to push friendships. If they feel that a person does not want to establish contact with them they do not insist. They usually make just one attempt and if it is not successful they hardly ever try again. They maintain contact only with people that they find interesting. ISFps find it fairly difficult to interact with people that they dislike, even if it goes against their interests. In these situations they lose their personal magnetism, and their speech may become unintelligible.

ISFps enjoy gathering and sharing interacting facts and news. However, they always add a certain degree of colour to their narrative hoping to make it more interesting. This is the reason that ISFps are rarely caught telling a story the same way twice. They can easily talk about a single subject for a considerable amount of time, especially about their recent experiences. They also like to read a variety of newspapers.

ISFps do not like to unload their problems on others. When asked "How are you?" they usually reply that they are fine regardless of weather they are or not. ISFps do not like to make promises. If someone asks them for their help they will often reply "I cannot promise but I will try..." or "If I can..." If they were not able to fulfil a promise they will continually apologise until they feel that they have been forgiven.

ISFps have a strong desire to experience as much as they can and to enjoy themselves as much as possible. They love spending time and having fun with their friends, often joking and playing pranks. They do not like to be the centre of attention, but they also do not like to be too far away from where it is all happening. ISFps behaviour can be so independent and original that they may confuse and bewilder other people. Because of this people can consider ISFps to be light-minded.

ISFps can usually only be productive when working for themselves. In all other cases it is rare for them to work hard. They try their best to avoid strenuous physical exercises wherever possible, unless it is in the course of a particular sporting activity that they enjoy.

Another behavioural pattern peculiar to ISFps is their tendency to try and stay in the middle. To be neither the best or to be the worst. This is the reason that they do not like to openly criticise people and do not get involved in confrontations. ISFps always try to keep well away from bosses and other authoritative figures. They do not like briefings and other boring business meetings. They try to negotiate on an informal level using only safe and reliable acquaintances. ISFps try to maintain peaceful relations with everybody.

STRENGTHS
ISFPs are warm, supportive and loyal to their friends and colleagues. However, being inner-directed, they may keep their great interpersonal warmth hidden from those they do not know well. Thus, they may feel most at ease when working with a small group of close, supportive colleagues. Using their Sensing function directly to perceive the known facts in a given situation, they will approach problems in a pragmatic, realistic and down-to-earth way. Having little interest in theoretical debate and discussion, they will be concerned to find practical solutions to concrete, real-world problems. Moreover, when addressing such problems, they will want to bear in mind the effects their decisions will have upon those around them. Independent-minded, they are tolerant and flexible, and do not like being regimented or rule-bound. Having a quiet sense of fun, they are accepting of other people¹s idiosyncrasies. Neither judgmental nor opinionated, they will not needlessly cling to traditional, out-moded ideas.
INTERPERSONAL RELATIONSHIPS
Being orientated towards the Introverted domain of feelings and mental events, ISFPs may sometimes need to be drawn out when in the company of others. Thoughtful and introspective, they may resist being the first to express their own views and opinions. Sensitive to others¹ feelings, they will not needlessly criticise colleagues in meetings and discussions. Understanding and considerate, they will be concerned about the welfare of others. They are likely to resist organising colleagues, preferring instead to work alongside people in an egalitarian manner. Disliking conflict and discord, they will work to resolve disagreements by actively seeking compromise and consensus. Not inclined to express their inner-most thoughts and feelings to people they do not know well, others may not always fully appreciate the strength of their deeply held core values and ideals. They will be at their best communicating on a one-to-one basis with colleagues who value their practical, open-minded approach to problems.
THINKING STYLE
Not inclined to engage in abstract debate and discussion, ISFPs are known for their pragmatic approach to solving problems. They tend to reject the purely theoretical, in favour of focusing on the known facts and practical realities in a given situation. However, their pragmatism and down-to-earth realism does not cause them to be closed minded, as they are open to new methods and ideas, particularly when they can see the practical advantages of adopting new approaches. Attuned to the feelings of others, they will carefully consider the impact their actions will have upon those around them before deciding on a course of action. Focusing on the 'broader picture', they may not always see the point of closely adhering to set procedures and systems. Similarly, attending to the detailed requirements of a task may not come naturally to them. Flexible, open-minded and tolerant, they will be concerned to understand others¹ points of view, even if these are radically different from their own.
HOW OTHERS MAY SEE YOU
Open and accepting of others, they will be supportive of their friends and colleagues. Quietly introspective, they are more likely to express their genuine concern for others through their actions, than through their words. Co-operative and egalitarian, they will be happy to help their friends and colleagues. Thoughtful and considerate, others may on occasion try to take advantage of their altruism and good-will. If colleagues try to take unfair advantage of their genuine offers of help, then this may generate feelings of resentment or even anger. Willing to listen, and sensitive to others¹ feelings, their colleagues will value the quiet support and encouragement they offer. However, their egalitarian style, and desire to manage by consensus may be misinterpreted by some as indicating an inability to take unpopular decisions. Modest, and not usually outspoken or opinionated, colleagues who are more assertive than them may at times mistakenly overlook their quiet, insightful observations.

Wow... you have just described me perfectly... I'm still quite stunned, to be honest!

-- Sun Mar 06, 2011 4:30 pm --


^^This, 100% this^^

One of the reasons for my never seeming to weigh in with topics and conversations is that I'm afraid of looking like a know-nothing idiot! I see the people around me (both online and in real life) saying things that I find so amazing and I think to myself "you are never going to be able to say something as good as that, so why bother?!"

Sometimes I think I post things just to garner the reactions of other people, yet when their reactions are not what I was looking for then I am lost for words and unsure of how to proceed. I never see myself or the things I say as good enough, and I cannot handle criticism, be it good or bad. However, I seem to be always searching for praise and acceptance from others and when the things I write seem to be ignored (which they have been on other sites), posts that have taken me ages to write, I get so down-hearted by the seeming rejection that I withdraw and find it hard to write other things lest people think "oh no, not her again!"

I hope this makes sense, as it is difficult to write about with clarity as it's all so confusing to me... kind of like wanting people to comment on your new dress without actually looking at you to do it, then not being mean or too gushing either.

I also seem to be a perfectionist when it comes to my writing... take this post, for instance, I have just read it through three times searching for spelling mistakes and grammatical errors so that I don't come across as stupid or dumb. In my mind I hear "how can you expect people to think you are intelligent when you can't even write something without mistakes... correct them NOW!!" (not actual voices, you understand... it's not as bad as that yet... I don't need a foil-lined cap just yet, lol).

This could be a big reason as to why I get stressed out just being at the supermarket longer than an hour. I've tried to explain to my husband that after being there I just feel so stressed and need to go home whether or not the shopping is completely done.

I also get really distressed if the kids are being particularly loud. It's stessful enough at their normal volume(which is so loud it freaks out other moms I know). My husband feels bad sometimes, like I don't want him there, but I've tried to explain to him that I just need more *alone* time to destress. I only get one day a week(Monday) alone and it's really not enough. If someone is sick or there is a school holiday it invariably falls on *my* day. I wish my husband worked more mournings. I try to squeeze as much as I possibly can into just Mondays, but the fact that I'm constrained for time on my one day stresses me out, too.

I'm such a whiner!

That sounds just like me. When I write something I put my heart and my soul into it. So when my writing is ignored I can become extremely depressed and sick at heart. Though I feel I am an okay writer, I sometimes constantly need that approval. I think I need this to make me feel I have something worth writing for.

But yes, when things I write get ignored, I can become very depressed. School hits me hardest during discussion weeks. I will spend hours formulating the perfect response to the question/scenerio askes. It can sometimes be PAGES long. And most of the time no one ever replies to what I say.

I think the main reason I continue to write is for a number of reasons: My imagination simply will not let me do otherwise. i can seriously only hold it in for so long...I like to express myself through the technique of reasonable discourse via written words, and in truth I have always felt that wiritng is simply something that I MUST do. It is a part of my soul. Like my children came from my womb and part a part of my heart and soul and life..so too is my writing and it means just as much.

[

You made perfect sense to me, Minty.



Sadly on gnet, I am not a perfectionist with what I right here (though I try to be when I create a thread). I remember when I first came I was somewhat rigid. The way I talked and interacted wasn't like the way that I talk and interact now. I believe it is because of how accustom I am to being here. I sometimes feel that gnet is the only place in the world I can be comfortable and be myself without having to watch every word I type, everything I do. Granted, this is probably just a false sense of security, but it is how I feel sometimes.

So when I get into...disagreements (and I mean bad disagreements) I feel very threatened and feel that everyone on gnet hates me now- maybe because I hate myself for not behaving in a fashion that I felt I should have behaved in.

Take for example my relationships. I sometimes truly hate myself for what I've recently done. I still cry myself to sleep some nights. I have ruined lives, more than just my own- simply because I wanted to be happy and had no idea how to do it. And by trying to find out what would make me happy- people were hurt. People I never meant to hurt but I hurt nonetheless.

Anyway, moving on... Outside of gnet I am very rigid. Even in Instant Messages I haven't the slightest idea of what to say or how to act. It is so...instant I do not have time to formulate. I meant it when I said I have no idea what to do with friends once I make them. I am a prime example of "what is the point of being so damn smart if you can only express yourself through written words that have been perfected by time?"

Because a smart person will always find a combination of those words which can bring fresh life to them and move thought and ideas forward. Like you do. Don't lose heart. The Internet is MADE for people like us.

Actually, I prefer talking to writing because when I write (like on this forum for example) I'm being a perfectionist too, but not only about my spelling, but generally, the way I word things and the points I make. Sometimes I can spend hours "refining" a post (I'm not joking). The only problem is, that by spending more time over a message I don't necessarily make it better - I focus on details and therefore make it only worse, because, in the end, after re-reading something over 20 times, I no longer see it as a whole (I don't know if it makes any sense, but it is like that). I just can't seem to be happy with what I write. Never. And so I keep changing it until I loose my patience and either keep the last version or give up entirely (I usually give up). I always feel as if I'm going to be judged over my every word, even if in reality it isn't like that.
Add to it that I'm generally handicapped in the area of turning my thoughts into written word.
That's why I prefer talking, because
1) it doesn't allow me to over-analyse what I say, and forces me to express myself quick
2) it's how the spoken word is - everyone sometimes says something stupid. And so, even if I say something stupid, someone is just going to assume it's because I had problems wording it the right way and I can always explain myself right after.
That's the comfort I don't have while writing, as it allows time to think, so, theoretically, there's no excuse for mistakes.
I definitely see the advantages of writing and oh, I suppose I do express myself better by writing than speaking. But I'm just so insecure about my own words, that the effort and time I have to put into it...
I just gave up posting in the "Blood and Bone China" thread. Errr.. "just" an hour ago, that is.

More on topic, I'm a bit sceptical about defining people's characters by 16 categories, although one of the sites Midieval Fantasy linked to actually described me quite well. (But I wonder a little, if the descriptions aren't a bit just repeating our own answers, but put another way).
And I took one more test, got yet another set of letters (INTj this time - I'm probably doing something wrong ), but to be honest none of the descriptions here is really a spot on my character. But thank you nevertheless, Calliope

I don't think you're a whiner at all. I think it can be helpful to discuss this with your partner and explain why going to the supermarket (constant interaction with other people and being overloaded by product placement) can deplete your energy, as well as dealing with loud children on a frequent basis. It sounds like your partner is more extroverted, which is why he doesn't understand why these things deplete your energy. Communicating with him about it, explaining why these things deplete your energy and how he can help you with it, are valuable things.

Sometimes, of course, it can take an extrovert a while to get it and understand what's going on for you. My first serious boyfriend who I dated in college and for a few years after college was an extrovert and didn't understand my introversion at all. Then again, at that time in my life, neither did I. I didn't know I was an introvert and wouldn't realize it until I had a therapist point it out to me several years later. All I knew was that when I went to a party with my boyfriend, where there were people I didn't know, I had a hard time joining their conversations and getting to know them. I'd feel like a wallflower or a social outcast. When he'd introduce me to people, however, and help start the conversation, I did just fine. I just needed a little introduction, a conversation starter, and I could jump in with both feet. I tried to explain this to my extroverted boyfriend who had no problem introducing himself to people he didn't know, but he didn't get it and would get angry with me for being so "anxious" and "anti-social" (his words) when we went to parties together. It was one of the things that eventually lead to the end of our relationship.

Medieval Fantasy, I can identify with what you're saying about writing, rather than having a face-to-face conversation with others. I'm much the same way. When I'm having a face-to-face conversation, I feel 'bombarded' with too much stimula - the other person's facial expressions, interruptions, conversational style, etc. ...Which may sound 'silly' or 'weird' to an extrovert, but that's the way it can be for some of us more introverted people. Sometimes conversations with others can simply be too much, because there's too much stimula for us to process. That's why I'm better at communicating my feelings through writing. I'm not 'bombarded' with the other person's expressions, interruptions, etc, and it gives me time to think about and compose my feelings and what I want to say. I can edit it and hopefully express what I mean in the best way possible, without hurting the other person's feelings, and/or making sure I'm expressing myself in the clearest way possible.

...Of course, it would be helpful for me if I was better at interpersonal communication, and I do try to practice as much as I can. But for an introvert, it can often be difficult for me, although I do my best.

That's a very good point. The same thought had crossed my mind, too.

I think the art of fluent communication in writing is something which comes with time. Are you the same in your own language, morana, or does the perfectionism only extend to English? The reason I ask is because I'm now completely happy to express myself in writing in a way I would never be able to verbally; if anyone here knew me in real life, I think they'd be shocked at how utterly I lack confidence in verbalising thoughts and feelings - especially among strangers. I'm not socially inept, but the written Minnie is a far more eloquent creature than the real one will ever be. Hence, I feel that the opportunity to communicate on a basis like this is an absolute deitysend.

We ARE twins! I knew it!!!

Thirties Girl: I agree. The stress of face to face conversation can become very taxing in a short amount of time. Though I can talk to anyone when I feel like it, which is rare, I find hat longer conversations are very strenuous to me in face to face scenarios.

Yet with all of this, I am determined to become a psychologist. My poor patients.