sorry, Glenn. I agree with Spidey on this.

Every relationship (everything, really) shapes us and changes us. Every relationship no matter how it ended was needed for growth (good and bad) and to regret it or hate it is simply a waste of time. Learn from the past and move on trying to make the future as good as you can make it.

As for death. In honesty- It really depends on the death and the person/people involved.

I partially agree, Midi, as you can immagine.
When it comes to pain I'm the first one to say that changing it into something more nurturing, into an experience that makes us grow inside is the best way to face it, still, there are some situations in which pain coming from an ended relationship is of such nature that the transformation process involves acceptance of the uselessness of a romantic experience. This also is part of growing. It's important to learn to discern between useful and nurturing pain and hollow and useless mistakes.
Hatred is also a deeply important step of our growth, processing and transforming hatred is necessary, there is no point in denying ourselves to feel hatred for someone, accepting our flaws hatred included will give us a chance to take some distance from the event and process it the right way.
You know I went through a very nasty experience in summer, there's no reason to hide it or deny it, it left me nothing and helped me understand that sometimes I chose wrong. It's a good thing, perfection is not desirable from from my point of view. I also gladly admit I felt hatred, but accepting my inability to face the situation in any other way in that moment gave me a chance to take distance from my own feelings and any negative thought disappeared leaving place to what I could use of what happened.

Explaining deep experiences with words is unfortunately nigh impossible.

But how can you know which is which until you've experienced them all (maybe even a few times) in order to know the distiction, or can you ever tell ahead of time?



In a way I agree, in another way I don't agree at all since I do not believe that harboring hate for anyone is very healthy. We all hate, true, and we cannot deny this, but to hate longer than the moment allows is taking it a bit far. I suppose I like the Eastern idea that we cause our own suffering- including hate. When we find what makes us suffer and can put it behind us, we are better on our way to being more fulfilled. I do understand what you mean, though, I think.




Yes it is very nigh impossible to say in words what I don't think can ever be accurately described. We all have lessons to learn. Some are simply more pain that the rest.

I have a feeling human beings are good enough to tell ahead of time, admitting what we already know is something else...



Who can tell how long the moment allows? Sometimes we need more time then necessary to get to any point, especially if we're facing one of our utmost fears.



Cause and effect. Any cause was formerly an effect. It's a matter of choices. If you want to know the effects of the future check the causes you're determining now, if you want to know the causes of the past look at the effects you're living now. This is meant as a way to break the chain.



The man who searches can find or not, the man who doesn't search lives. Why dig deeper and deeper and deeper? I think it'd be quicker if I don't like an effect I'm living to put a different cause so that the effects of the future I will like.

I would hope so, but some people just never learn how to tell the difference.



This is true and deserves great reflection.



This I am going to have to think on. Yes, life is cause and effect everything is. but just because you know it is cause and effect doesn't mean to much. In a way would it not being saying that by being able to derive cause and effect in life (or relationships, to say on topic) that we would then predict the outcome of it? We can't know what the future holds. We can weigh the options based on the past, current and possibly future events, but its to unpredictable to ever know for sure or say what will happen because of something else with any real accuracy expect in the cases of the most mundane (I.E. I push this button and this will happen- 99.9% of the time).

I do agree though that by understanding how you do things, and how you have always done things can break the cycle of continuing to make the same mistakes in the future.



I fear, and I feel very stupid for this, that I did not understand this last part.

can't we?



mmm... as I said, why keep digging? Isn't it enough to know that a certain attitude or decision will have 100% positive outcome? Why worry about what this outcome looks like? How about keeping our mind open to changes of direction of our life? ^_^



That's where the months of my absence brought me, I sure hope it'll take much less to you or you'll find something better in MUCH less time.

Well- We can sure try! And some people are able to....Sadly I'm not one of them. So tarot cards, Pendulum, etc. are how I try to make sense of myself sometimes as well as the future. I love my tarot cards.



I am one of those people who worry and dig so often that if my soul were the Earth, I'd have dug a whole straight through it and beyond, espeically in terms of relationships.



Umm....Thanks? *Watching as my mind kicks my ass for not knowing how to use it properly this day*

Those means sure help, and I too love them, still, more often then not the reason why we don't know is simply we are afraid of what we actually already know.


Welcome to the club!






Stop worrying... you know what I mean, trust me

I can both agree and disagree with this. It all depends on situations and conditions.

I'd agree with those who are making the point, essentially, that relationships are necessary. Humans are meaning-making, relational beings. It's what we do, and I agree with what Medieval Fantasy wrote about relationships helping with personal growth. I think that's part of the reason I've been psychologically 'stuck' on some issues for a while. Sometimes we just need another person to help us through.

Haha nawwwwwww
Considering my age, I am way to scared to be optimistic about my relationship becoming marriage, or I think it's called "defacto" or something?

Ooooh and the crazy Aunty got told to let it bein the end, M went home, told his parents how... slightly impolite and difficult, she was and apparently his mother and Aunty "had words" shall we say?

And she's not coming with him here at Easter!

But on the topic of relationships... Officially, I've only had 2 but I think they're all good, I agree with spidey

Every past relationship, whether bad or good helps you in the future to know what to avoid in a relationship, what to keep doing, and stuff like that.

The way a mate compared (I will not call him my ex because that makes it seem like he isn't a person etc. so I will call him B) B to M:



Metaphoric, and yes, people point out "CD players are cheap and Chinesse" and that some people like the sound of a grammaphone. But you kinda get the gist... Grammaphone, in the past, CD player, more current, generally considered "better" and all that But I do not care how flawed it is, I thought he was pretty clever to come up with that... though personally I think M is more an iPod, iPod Touch, iPad etc. in comparison to the grammaphone

So I learnt what not to do, is the main point, I just thought I should point out my mate's cool metaphor.

Relationships: in my opinion thus far, they have made me more synical, jaded & bitter than I thought I'd ever be & have caused me to coin the saying "if a man isn't an a**h*** yet, he will be (sorry to you actual good guys out there)." I'm pretty over them. As it says in Avenue Q: "there's a fine line between love & a waste of your time."

Congratulations! You've just given me a new forum signature!

Hahahaha cool I love it! Glad to be of service!

I had a little netsearch and came across http://www.hookingupsmart.com/2011/01/03/relationshipstrategies/eleven-key-insights-from-the-men-of-hooking-up-smart/. For hetro men, I think its been my experience (give or take).