I wish the best for anyone needing it right now.

LegendGirl: Okay... I'll look into that. Vertigo... That is what I thought...

DragonWings: Your welcome! And thanks. I hope I figure it out too...

Puck the WaltzQueen: Cheers!!

Necromantic_Lovely: Wow. What happened to you sounds terrible... And I can relate to the feeling because I've gone through the episode already... Anxiety huh? Well, it could have something with that. I've been stressed out and quite depressed lately... So you may be right. It could be a contributing factor. But who knows? I have the slightest idea of why that happened...

Well, I've decided to do some self improvements this week. First off is weening myself off the caffeine. I'm addicted to the stuff, and it's not healthy, especially mentally (makes me irritable and a bit paranoid)


Plus, I'm working on making myself a happier person by positive reinforment and trying to have music help me along the way, plus the simple fact of remembering that I have a couple friends who stand by me, even on my low days makes it better.


I'm also planning on doing something dumb monday, asking this one chick out that I have pretty much no business asking out. Meh, whatever, despite the rejection I will most definitly get, it'll only make me feel better thinking I actually went trough with it


So I'm actually doing good and on my way to a new and improved me

I guess for every good thing, there has to come some bad.

I just found out that I got into Grad School (hooray!) but I also found out that my school district is planning to cut hours back so much that school for not only me, but for our preschool son, may have to wait until I can find another job.

Here's hoping the IT position that I applied for comes to fruition. If you believe in sending good vibes, I could really use some right now. :/

~spidey

-- Fri May 11, 2012 1:11 am --



Chicks like a guy with the guts to ask. Just don;t be creepy about it.

~spidey

You actually sound a lot like me, and it sounds like you may have depression. I don't know the various types, mind you, but you do sound like you have depression. My post is actually similar to yours.


I don't know why I feel this way, and I don't know what's wrong. This is the only place that I really can get out my feelings, because I don't want to worry my family and Facebook is WAY too public.

I feel empty and sad very often. It's not just PMS or whatever, because I feel this way all the time. It frustrates me because there is no logical reason for my sadness. I just feel empty, and I try to push this away by being silly and out-there around my friends and family, but everything just feels wrong. I have times like Puck said, where I will just cry for no absolute reason. And not just a few tears, but bawling my eyes out, gut-wrenching cries that last for hours.

I really feel like an observer in this world, not a participator.



Anyway, done with that depressing rant.

Oh no, she's not my therapist. She's employed by the local municipality, and her job is basically to make sure that I and others get a job as soon as possible by sending us on various courses and making sure that we're sending out job applications. That's why I haven't done anything about it yet. The lady is just doing her job.
I've had so many bad experiences with caseworkers (one wanted to send me to an orphanage and also said that it was my mothers own fault that she was sick, one wanted me to take care of my sick mother full time so they wouldn't have to spend money, one showed up at all hours of the day without any explanation and whenever I asked why, she would just refuse to tell me who she was, another accused my father of incest and actually once locked the door and refused to let me leave - they've all been fired, thank God), that I've completely lost faith in these people. None of them have been even the least bit understanding. All of them made it worse by stressing me out even more, until I reached a breaking point and dropped out of school. That's why I'm hesistant to ask for another, because the one I have right now is not all that bad - at least she doesn't make my life difficult just because she can.

I'm glad you decided to share your issues with me I'm sorry your mother is like that. I'm hoping I'll find someone who's able to actually understand what I'm going through, but sadly, I think most people will have to go through it themselves before they can (of course I do not wish that upon anyone) or be close to someone who's sick.
Nothing beats experience. But in the meantime, I can try to educate people (my caseworker included) about depression. Hopefully she just doesn't know, and that's why she thinks it's easy to fix.

Good luck with your caseworker Alice!

Just got back from the doctor's appointment. No hip surgery quite yet. The doctor is hesitant to do any operating now because of my chemo treatment. Which is understandable. So when I'm done treatment (which will likely be early-ish next year) they'll look at my hip again and decide what to do. In the meantime I've got my walker and I'm going to have pain medication to help me get along.

Dragonwings: That's good that you have pain medication and your walker! And hopefully, after next year, they won't have to fix your operate on your hip again.

Alice: Even a person who is compassionate should be able to understand your pain. Hopefully you find someone (whether they are a caseworker or not) who is compassionate and can help you get through this.

Spidey: *sends good vibes* There, everything should work out for the better.

Necro: I would agree with that. People ARE uneducated about mental illness. They think it's "gross" or "weird" and they don't understand why a lot of people with mental illnesses do what they do. I think a lot of it has to do with a general lack of compassion in society today. A lot of pop culture is so focused on "me, me, me!" that people stop thinking about others, and think about themselves first, making it harder for them to put themselves in another's position.

Calla: Yeah, like Spidey said, go for it and ask her out! But don't be creepy.

I hope everyone is doing okay today! *Sends hugs for good measure*

So, last night I was taking off my makeup with soap and water (due to lack of makeup remover) and I accidentally stuck a soap-smothered finger right in my eye. My only explanation for it might be that it was late and I was tired, ha ha. Needless to say, my eye burned something furious for an hour and a half!

Has anybody else ever done this when removing their makeup?

A friend of my father's is helping me figure things out in terms of career and such.

He's got me writing a few pieces of writing about various topics like:

a) What would be my "ideal" life? What are my passions?

b) Build a potential timeline with a specific end date where all I want to happen has occurred (obviously, this is all under highly favourable circumstances)

c) Write him a summary of an essay I sent him (he wanted to see my formal writing capability)

d) Write a PR/marketing campaign for the Greek god Hades, extolling his virtues + value. This last one is related to two facts - I took a marketing course in university, and that the term paper I chose to send my father's friend compared Hades and Zeus. For those of who who are unaware, Hades wasn't exactly a deity that the Greeks and the later Romans adored. In fact, he was rather feared. My father's friend is probably testing to see how I can market a product that people don't want and turn it into one that they would.

Ohhh, and hope everyone's lives get better!

My best wishes to all of you. When I read your sorrows mine become ridiculous. I'm just relaxing for month and to lasy to make some money. I start thinking about trucking in Scandinavia because I'm bored od stupid office jobs, which kill my soul. And now I prepare myself for the dance toonight, in an empty big hall, like I enjoyed it in the early days. It's good to find myself again and might be I'll catch an old dream tonight.

I do that all the time! And yes, it hurts like hell.

spiderlimbs sending good vibes your way, hopefully the IT thing works out

dragonwings sending good vibes your way as well. I'm sure things will work out for the greatest for you.

Spidey and ittybittybat, if you mean creepy as in never communicating to her before so or making sexual innuendos, I can guarantee that I won't do that sort of thing (I've talked to her a bit before, well, a little bit anyways, and
I'm not a pervert). If you mean don't pull her aside and say something like "hey, wanna go out sometime?" then I don't know.

All the best and many hugs to all those who need them

My grandfather's operation has been postponed due to other metastases that need to be taken care of, we don't know how long it will last, but he's a happy chap and ready for what ever's to come.
I wish I'll be like him when I get into a situation like that.

I hope things go well Cutty.

I've been wearing a mohawk all day. I feel pretty good about it and wanted to share that with you all.

Necromantic_Lovely: Well...That sounds painful. I wouldn't know because I don't use make-up but...yeah. The closest thing to that would be me poking myself in the eye...but I'm sure that isn't as bad.

Orlok: Sounds like an interesting challenge! Good luck!

CallaWolf: I hope everything goes well with this person! Be yourself and who knows what may happen!

Cutty: Hope everything goes well with your grandfather's operation. You have my best wishes.