Granted, but you can't get out of the ship.

I wish for a delicious cake to eat

Granted. You are now three years old and have an infinite supply of mud pies.

I wish cats could talk.

Granted. "I'll eat as much of your cake as I want! and STOP calling me Spud!"
I wish I hadn't watched that Doctor Who Christmas special.

Granted. You will have now spent the time watching Jersey Shore.

I wish I could spend any selected week in my comfy bed.

Granted. Whith no right to go to a toilet.

I wish Mike Patton was my husband (suppose I'm a woman )

Granted. You are now married to Mike Patton who is 65 years old and lives in Aptos, CA.

I wish I became immortal and rich.

Granted. You will enter immortality when you're as old and as rich as Hugh Hefner.

I wish I could live 3 months out of the year in a foreign country.

Granted, but you don't get to choose what country.

I wish I could change into a bat and fly around.

Granted - you'll fly around to hit baseballs flying at you at 90 mph. Ouch!

I wish I could transport myself to tonight's New Year's party instead of having to drive there.

Granted. the party is at Singapore. One way transport!

I wish I was Hindu (wtf?)

Granted! Your husband has died and they are about to throw you on the funeral pyre with his body!

I wish I could get all of my housework done faster.

Granted! Now the brooms and mops are out of control.

I wish feta cheese grew on trees.

Granted. But you owe everyone the money to buy gasmasks to combat the smell!

I wish 2011 hadn't come so quickly.

Granted. But for every minute that time was slowed down, you will grow a year older.

I wish sleep came easily always.

Granted, my narcoleptic friend.

I wish no one dies tonight.