As I rowed my little boat
Toward the river shore,
A small black bird kept me from landing,
Quoth the raven, "never moor."

Juliet how Poe-ish of you.

Hahahaha! I get it. Poe is awesome! He was bipolar. Poe was one of the greatests. Him, Shakspear, and Dr. Seuss. HAHA! That was the joke. Poe is great. Dr. Seuss isn't even in the same ball park as poe.

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar... Ouch! (:

Ive got a couple of alright ones

Artie was a poor man who lives in new york, He would see members of the mafia drive by in their fancy cars, with their armani suits and he would think I wonder what I have to do to join the mafia so I can become rich and support my family. So one day Artie decided to ask, The Guy said, Well to join the mafia you have to either be born in or be paid to kill a man. Artie said "Well im not even italian so it looks like it'll have to be the second one" To which the mafia member replied" no no no, This I cannot do for you," After a while of begging Artie finally convinced him "Fine, Ill give you a dollar and you go kill someone" So Artie went to the grocery store and wandered around until he spotted a helpless old women, He choked her to death then noticed another old women in the same aisle. He choked her to death and was promptly arrested a few minutes later

The next morning the headlines were "Artie chokes two for a dollar" :p

How many Evolutionists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
only one but it's a gradual process over a period of 16 million years

How many mystery writers does it take to screw in a light bulb
2 one to screw it in most of the way, the other to give a suprising twist at the end.

A guy walks into a bar, he has a pet monkey. Soon as the guy sits down the monkey hops off his shoulder and runs around eating thngs. The bartender shouts at the man to controll his monkey but the guy assures him that he will pay for anything the monkey eats. Soon as he says this the monkey hops onto the pool table and swallows the cue ball. The bartender demands the guys leave. Soo he comes back the next day and assures that he will pay for anthing the monkey eats. So the monkey hops off his shoulder, runs to the cherries, picks one up, crams it up his butt and then eats it. Disgusted, the bartender asks why his monkey is doing this. The man responds, after the cue ball, he has been measuring things!

This one is so stupid its funny

How many idoits does it take to screw in a light bulb. None they dont know how.

Found these on laffy taffy wrappers from Halloween
What did the cake say to the candle? Youre Burning my back.

I dont get it

What kind of coffee do you drink on a train? Expresso

Umm ok.

Lastly
What did one ear say to the other ear? Theres something inbetween us that smells.

ahahahahahahah
-unsaved- Youre Burning my back? :I Im completely lost

I have two jokes I'm willing to take the time to write (unfortunatly one will be in French...but don't worry, it's quick and lame, lol). Here I go...

A new recruit joins the army and is sent off to a desert in the middle of an Arabian country. His Sargent gives him a quick, but manditory, tour of the encampment, barracks, H.Q., communications tent, etc. He then points to a camel and says:
-"We use her when we get a little "lonely" if you know what I mean."-;)
-"Bah, I won't need that!" replies the private.
A few months go by and finally the recruit gives in, grabs a stool, drops his pants and starts "doing his thing".
All of a sudden the sargent walks by and says:
-"Well, that's one way to do it, but we usually go to town to pick us up some girls."

Now for my French one:
Un giraffe rentre dans un bar, se fait demander se qu'il veut et répond:-"M'a prendre un p'tit cout!"

Horrible, horrible...or as I like to say when speaking Frenglish: it's milk (milk and "ugly" in French sound the same...oh, I'm on a role tonight...so lame).

haha that first one was good

the second one was ok..... i guess...

hahahahahahahahah! It took me a couple of minutes but I got it. Corny but good!

the candle is burning so... it's burning the cake... "you're burning my back" is a phrase i guess...
the thing that the candle isn't so near (it's not really burning the cake's back) isn't really important- the joke isn't too intelligent anyway.

reminds me of a couple i know like that:

2 men walk into a bar... you would've thought the second one would have seen it

a man walks into a bar.. and a pint falls on his head.

i have another long-winded joke, but it takes about 10-15 minutes to tell it so it'll take ages to type out, so i probably won't..

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.

You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine, retorted the lady indignantly.
In this country.......we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives........

Hey, coola down lady, said the man. Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'.
I BET YOU GONNA READ THIS AGAIN!!!!!

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time.

You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine, retorted the lady indignantly.
In this country.......we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives........

Hey, coola down lady, said the man. Who talkin' abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spell 'Mississippi'.
I BET YOU GONNA READ THIS AGAIN!!!!!

oops! sorry bout the double post!???