i don't know if this counts as gothic, but i'm not sure what other catagory this would go under.
i'm 17 years old and i'm living in sydney australia, and i'm suffering from depression. It's recently gotten alot worse and instead of the occasional suicidal though...all i can think about is not wanting to put up with life any more and wanting to harm/ kill myself.
I think there are probably many goths, and I assume also enough normals that have to deal with, or have dealt with, depression. I had my own share of it through my late teens and around the 20 mark. No fun at all, and I can relate to feeling alone. I think the people that kept me going were friends I had online as I was quite isolated otherwise. Eventually I managed to change a few things in my life for the better, and other things entered my life giving me a new perspective and helping me deal with things.
First of all, and don't take this the wrong way, have you seen a doctor about this?
I've been trying to track down a recent thread which dealt with depression in a newsgroup, and to my annoyance I can't find it. The thread originated by someone's comment about being on anti-depressants, and many people chipped in with their experiences with various medications. Many mentioned pretty drastic positive results with being on the medication. The thread also would have served a purpose to illustrate that there are many people that deal with depression of some form or another and deal with it succesfully with medication.
I'd definitely recommend seeing a professional about this... especially considering you're considering hurting yourself. Sometimes depression has a way of sorting itself out, either completely or to a manageable state... sometimes you need help from the outside, because not everything can or should be dealt with on your own.
If you have access to newsgroups via your isp, there are a number of related groups that I found that you could probably lurk on or post to:
there's loads more groups related in ways... manic depression, anxiety etc.
If your isp doesn't give you access to newsgroups, you can use Google Groups
. Nowadays you can post through the Google Groups page as they're out of Beta mode, and you can also do searches in past topics on newsgroups for information or advice.
If you can connect to IRC it might be worth logging on to one of the major networks (DALnet or EFnet) and finding related channels to chat in?
Another option is Yahoo Groups
, they have tons of mailing lists there, there's got to be a few that are dedicated to depression and teenagers with depression. You'll have to sign up for a Yahoo account to access the groups, but that's easily done (a search for "depression" brought up 973 results in the groups, so plenty of mailing lists).
But please consider seeing someone if you haven't already, it may make a world of difference.
Hope this helps,